Monday, June 27, 2005

what is going on with Blogger?

I've managed to make my font purple again, but I wasn't the one who changed the template to make all my posts black. And now for some reason the text won't wrap around my sidebar, and I AIN'T DONE NUTHIN' to the template, so I don't know how to UNDO it!

I've also noticed that the haloscan comment counter is off on several blogs I've visited recently. Is Mercury retrograde again? That pesky planet, always going backwards and screwing up all our communications. Or maybe it's sunspot activity, which has been off the charts for a lot of this year, and usually heralds weird extreme weather (see Mitch Battros at for more details....)

At any rate, I'm confused about how to deal. Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Massage Monday

We're at the end of Session II at the massage school, and I received 2 student massages today as part of their final exam. Now, before you go off and start ranting about what a hard job I have, let me explain that we as testers not only have to stay *awake* for the full treatment, but we also have to expound intelligently to the student afterwards, with insightful criticism and helpful suggestions. Do you have any idea how hard it is to know if someone is using good body mechanics with your face in a face cradle? (Actually, you really *can* tell once you've had several hundred massages....)

I'm happy to say that I had 2 very nice treatments and my lower back feels great. Last time I tested, one student gave me such an insipid massage that I felt worse afterwards than before. That's a sad thing. We try so hard to make sure all the students "get it," but of course it's not just up to us.

There is one student in this class who is in the category of "never going to get it," as the tapes in her head have her geared towards failure, and that's something that is hard to dislodge. We have all tried to give her special attention and tutoring, but something seems to prevent her from ever feeling confident in herself.

I know that it isn't our responsibility to mend her broken fences, but in general the course of study in a good massage school lends itself to personal transformation--if one has the desire to 'go there' and learn this stuff from the inside out, rather than vice-versa. So there are times when we see a student break down and then somehow arise from the debris stronger and more confident and more able, because something inside shifted, and they were able to build on it.

It always amazes me that people come to school not even thinking about *receiving* massage, which is what starts the interior wheels a-turnin'. Any issues you have about touch, about self-image, or about worthiness in general tend to bob to the top when you're getting 3-4 massages a week. So many students come in and want to learn how to do this to others, but leave themselves out of the equation. As we all should know by now, one can't give what one can't receive. There are enough co-dependent folks in the helping professions (I can say that since I am one, but I'm in recovery....) and we've all met them in other walks of life as well--the ones who put themselves last, time after time, until they are completely used up/broken down/in the hospital with a serious systemic disorder, etc.

I say compassion begins at home, and from that deep root in one's heart can spread out and affect lives in a profound way. I try to offer that to the people who come to my table. I try to teach it to the students whom I guide through this class. And I try to live it outside of the clinic and classroom, in traffic jams and long lines at the grocery store, in communicating with my dogs and my son and the world at large.

I talk big but in real life I struggle with it too.

ciao for now!

Sunday, June 26, 2005


Sunday again, and I just noticed that I no longer have the little icons to change my font and font color. Whassup wit dat?

The weather report is that the rain did it's usual Tucson thing--meaning that parts of the area got rain and others (my house) got teased. What a nice tease though! Wind, clouds, lightning, some thunder, a pitiful few (and quickly evaporated) showers. Plus the temperature dropped about 10 degrees, thankfully.

Not much going on, just Sunday stuff. Paper, fancy coffee, river walking, etc.

(Mr. Edge, I've been trying to use that spark you passed on in one of your recent posts, but can't seem to get anything to ignite, except my work. Perhaps that's the passion I get to play. LOL.)

Can't wait to get out to MaggiezFarm next time to see the changes her hard work have wrought. I suppose since the school schedule is slowing down I'll make a trek out that way in the near future.

Have a nice Sunday, and give thanks out loud somewhere today.

ciao for now!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

river walks

OK, you know about the heat, so I won't bore you further with the numbers. We're easing towards a storm here. The evening and morning were cloud-strewn and overcast. The air is mostly still, but occasionally a big thrust of sky power comes sailing through, and creatures large and small flare their nostrils into the wind to catch the faintest whiff of moisture in the distance....nope, not yet.

Meanwhile the cicadas are singing their shiny summer heat song by 7:30 a.m. Angus torpedoes onto my bed at 5:10 every morning to let me know it's light out; I can usually put him off for 20 minutes but by then the heat is already building--so if we're going to go walking, it's about time to get moving.

There's a paved river path for cyclers and runners and leashed-dog walkers stretching west from where I go daily, but the dogs and I both prefer to head east into the riverbed itself, and where we can all go without tethers. While it's technically still illegal to have dogs offleash in public, I've never seen anyone get ticketed for it.

I've found lots of potsherds in the riverbed, especially after a rain. And one day a couple of years ago I walked up the bank to a nearby unpopulated hill and have found many many more there, some decorated. In more recent months I've seen survey stakes all over the place, so I'm sure someone is going to be bulldozing the site for a big new fancy manybucks home in the near future.

Sometimes when I find one of these pieces of the past I can almost feel the vibrations from the ancient hands that shaped it, held it, used it. It's a sensation that's impossible to describe, but it takes me into almost a fugue state where time seems to slow down and I enter a "zone of remembrance" of that time and perhaps of my presence in it. It's a good thing that I don't happen upon other hikers most of the time.

I'm staying away from that area for now, as the last 2 times I was up there I came across sleeping rattlers. Sun Bear is pretty snake-savvy, but Angus ain't, and my credit card hasn't recovered from his last illness....I'm thinking about enrolling him in snake-aversion class. No kidding, they offer them through the Humane Society, and while dogs aren't nearly as likely to die from a snake bite as a human is, I'd prefer to skip the experience.

ciao for now....

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


I was not only Awake, but Up this morning at 3:05 to turn on the cooler. So much for the 'slim psychological margin' against the heat I mentioned several posts ago. Last night at 11:00 p.m. it was still 98 degrees here. This morning at 7:00 a.m. it's already 85.

Magz wrote a great post about Ally's visit. Click on her link to your right to read it. My time with the dynamic sister-duo was too short to be tons of fun, but we did spend some quality time by the pool, drank a couple of beers, and had some bizarre blue (envision cloudy Windex) liqueur that was quite tasty. Just before I had to come back the the Baked Apple, we ordered in pizza and salad and wings. Magz wasn't in the best of moods, so it was a low-key visit, but nevertheless a good one.

Sometimes family is the best medicine.

My family is still all East of the Mississippi. It's just my sibs now since my dad passed a couple of Christmases ago. We don't stay in the best touch, but there's a deep current of loyalty and affection between us. My oldest sister got married yesterday on the beach on Galveston Island, with only the groom, the ?minister? JP? (don't know), and a photographer present. I would have loved to be there, but it's pretty apparent they were into a minimalist event. At least there will be pictures! She and her husband have just opened an art gallery/design space in the area. My brother is in D.C., the great white underbelly of our poisoned nation, and works for himself as an advertising copy-writer. And other sis is in northern PA in a quaint hamlet where she and her husband take pride in their small-town oddities, and where they are both making a living as writers. We're a quirky family.

I'm the one who had to leave the nest to find herself, and I did out here in the vastness of desert space. Too much foliage makes me nervous now.

I have to leave for work. This post remains unfinished, but oh well....

Monday, June 20, 2005

the breeze

Hey all, and thanks for putting up with my pity-party of a post yesterday. Mr. Goodman hit it right on the head when he said, "'s how you feel about yourself."

So, extrapolating from that comment a bit, one might suppose that were I more inclined to love myself (regardless if Mr. Crush acquiesed), I'd be less inclined to write silly posts about small women. Lesson learned--and anyway, if he really likes 'em little, we'd just never get along!

It was also very superficial of ME to more or less assume that he is with her just because of her size anyway. I know that now, and I probably knew that then, but had those "poor me" blinders on.

Onward and upward....

I'm *really* going to Ms. Magz' today, to visit with her and Ally and rehash old stories, like the time all 3 of us drove from LA to Maggiez Farm in a spankin' new, come-fuck-me red convertible Mustang, stopping in Laughlin for a little gaming and such. Now that was a pretty wild trip, what I remember of it at least....these 2 sister-gals could make an anteater party down. They are that much fun.

breezin' on outta here.....

ciao for now!

Sunday, June 19, 2005


Well, I was planning on heading to Mz. Magz today, but the green chili burrito I ate for a late lunch yesterday had other plans for me. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say I think I'd better sit tight for the remainder of the day--very tight!

Last night I went out, for the first time in months, to hear a local band that I used to play guitar/sing with ( They now have a really cool thing going on, which is that the 3-4 person core invites "special guests" to play gigs with them, so the sound differs according to the guests. They have a huge repetoire of cover songs in a bunch of genres, so it can be very acoustic or very rockin', depending. Last night they had a hot young piano player--I'm serious, this guy is going to go places--plus one of Tucson's old fixture honky-tonk singer/guitarists, and a pedal steel guitar player as well. It was a big crowd both onstage and off, and I had a good time nursing a margarita (on the rocks, with salt) and dancing when so moved.

Our little community of yayhoos is very dance-enthused, so there's never any problem with needing a partner to hit the floor, or of dancing with only *one* partner for that matter. It's more like socializing while jumping around--snaking around the other jiggling bodies and making small talk at the top of your lungs and in time with the beat.

I was there for a couple of hours and then just as easy I was in my car driving home. I like travelling solo and travelling light with just the one car key and enough cash for the evening folded into my rear pocket. When it's time to go, I don't hang around trying to talk myself out of it.

But, but, BUT.

I saw the object of my last (quite unrequited) crush with his new tiny girlfriend and it made me swallow hard a couple of times. And I mean really tiny, like even with heels she came up to about his shirt pocket, and he's not a big guy. What is it about small women? Can any of you guys please sound off on this? I don't have anything against them per se, but really, besides the obvious "I can protect you" BS, is there some kind of subterranean Lolita current running through the collective male unconscious? Or maybe it's a dominance thing? And I know I'm being overly general and unfair about this. It's not like there is any one thing that every single male of the species could agree on--at least I HOPE there isn't.

I can't think of the appropriate mirror for me either. I guess I appreciate a man who is big enough to give me a good wrestle (if I require one, hehe), but at the same time I've found a lot of big strong guys don't have big strong brains to match. Boy, that sounded bad....OK, starting over, what I'm trying to say is that I've always been a *healthy* gal with *big bones,* one of the 3 tallest students in 6th grade, etc. (Dad was 6'4", so sue me.) So following the usual cultural directive to find a bigger stronger more macho partner meant that I teamed up with several Neanderthals before I got a little smarter about coupling. (However, I've never gotten actually *smart* about it, just less dumb, to the point where singledom sounds more better than coupledom for the time being.) And at this point in my life I don't take it too personally, but have a certain abject curiousity about the subject. I'm sure she has a winning personality, and all this blather just goes to show that yes, I am taking it a little personally, and I wish I'd stop. Crushes are just a bummer for the most part. But I sometimes miss feeling giddy in the heart region. And I miss kissing. And I ain't getting any tinier with age, LOL!

Argh, enough. Ciao for now!

Friday, June 17, 2005

tasty tip for torrid temps

Peanut M&M's in the "Fun Size" (portion control)

Put a bunch of 'em in a Ziploc in the freezer (out of obvious view)

The perfect snack (or breakfast...): yummy, sweet, cold, nutritious (peanuts have protein)!


Thursday, June 16, 2005

heat of the day

It must be summer as I bought my first watermelon yesterday (it's chillin' for the killin') and am having my first iced coffee this morning.

Our temps are in the hundreds lately and I spend a lot of time indoors during the day. Siestas are for real, because then I have the energy to stay up for the night's coolth. The nights are the only reason the days are tolerable.

Now, some people just love the heat and get out and exercise and garden and sweat in it with genuine delight (or insanity). However, I've had enough sun exposure for my entire life and then some, so daylight finds me under cover whenever possible.

I moved to the panhandle of Florida in my early 20's and just figured I'd get tan since I lived there (typical 20-something logic). Nature vs. nurture indeed! My ancestral DNA is Scots/German; prefers cloud cover, fog, or rain; and anything over 75 degrees is considered a heat wave. Yet here I am in the desert.

When I moved here in 1986 I was taken by the open-mindedness of the place. I was just another white chick with dreadlocks, not the jaw-dropping event I had been in the "redneck riviera" of Pensacola. I actually was part of a little bi-racial tribe of dreadlocked men women and children--10 of us in all--and we did create a stir in the local K-Mart when we'd arrive for a shopping expedition. Ha.

Tucson was a clean clear break from the cloying heat and mentality I'd come from in the southeast, plus a great place to start over as a newly-single mother. I also loved being able to see the mountains all the time; it gave me the same vastness of feeling I'd experienced at the Gulf coast (minus the palmetto bugs).

As my dad said when he came here for his first visit, "It's wild and wide-open and free out here, just like you!"

Yay Dad!

Meanwhile--yesterday on the way to the river for our morning outing, Angus FELL OUT OF THE BACK WINDOW while I was driving down the street at 25-30 mph. This little guy is going to be one accident/illness/near miss after another, isn't he?

He was able to run to me as soon as I stopped and got out and called him, but was shaken up enough to poop on me a little as soon as I got him back in the car on my lap. He's got a fat bottom lip but otherwise seems completely fine and even oblivious to the fact that he's escaped death and/or serious injury 4 times already in his 3+ months of life....some kind of odds huh?

ciao for now....

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

had to add this pic too

Sir Not Appearing In This Survey

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Funny huh? OK--enough of that.

I think I'm finally back on track. I had no idea I'd been so zapped by the whole Angus illness. Yoga yesterday felt good, I think it's time to be a little more regular about it.

I'm comfortably stiff this morning as my muscles remind me that I don't usually move them like I did yesterday. The hot room was wonderful--I mean, if you're going to sweat, you might as well SWEAT and just surrender to it! I was able to go deeper into the stretches because of the heat--so maybe that's why I'm a little more sore today, eh?

I'm going to have to drop the Buddhism course for now; I've gotten hopelessly behind in the readings and so the classes aren't going to make any sense. We'll see. I keep doing attraction/aversion flipflops with this stuff. I love the teachers and the group energy, but sometimes the material just seems too wordy or too stuffy or too intellectual or something. I don't know!

I guess I have to figure it out at my own pace, and when it stops making sense I know I haven't internalized something. I have to be careful not to get too frustrated or I'll chuck it--better to ease off a little. I can see that my behaviors have changed since I began these courses. I'm more compassionate and less judgmental, but have a long way to go yet.

Have a wonderful day!

Monday, June 13, 2005

If I have to be her, can't I at least change my hair?

I liked those ear-bun things she wore in the first movie.

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Princess Leia
A strong-willed herald of causes against injustice, you passionately strive to right the wrongs around you.
Somebody has to save our skins!

lazy days

Ah, I had a Sunday to beat all Sundays. I didn't leave the house/yard! Didn't start the car, didn't spend any money, didn't read the paper, didn't watch [very much] tv, didn't turn on the computer!

("What the hell *did* I do?" she wondered in amazed hindsight.)

Today is shaping up nicely. Doggie walking in the riverbed at 6:00, massage school from 8:00-noon, a yoga class (hot-room hatha) following, and home again, home again, jiggety jig!

One of the main reasons I got Angus is that I simply love staying home, and needed a better excuse ("Gotta go, I need to let the dogs out!"--or "feed the dogs!" or "walk the dogs!") Of course, I also thought he was irresistable. And besides, once I saw those pups being born, I knew I was going to end up with one of them. Thanks, Magz!

I've got a hot-tub 'date' with a girlyfriend later tonight and otherwise, I'm chillin'. Maybe I'll make some chocolate chip cookies to take over to her house for her husband and 2 sons to enjoy while we steep ourselves in the jacuzzi. Yum, yum, yum!

ciao for now!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

favorite dog toy

Not much happens in my life beyond work, dogs, and blogs these days (I did enjoy watching the first 2 season discs of Northern Exposure recently, but my screen of preference is the 'puter). My own little hibernation I guess. At any rate, early summer evenings in Tucson are delicious. The air is like silk on your skin if there's any breeze at all, and sitting just outside the kitchen door ensures cool air leakage from inside.

Best of all, the sun is nowhere to be seen. Stars sometimes show themselves over the ambient city light, especially around the new moon (6/6). My neighbors are mostly quiet and I appreciate that and try to return the favor. But last night I had to listen to Los Lonely Boys with the volume cranked and a beer by my side, taking the cd player outside along with me.

So it's dusking and cooling and I'm listening to the tunes and getting a just little melancholy; these are Tex-Mex love songs crooned by three very yummy-looking young brothers in the most sweet and sincere manner, and I'm partnerless--mostly by choice, but at times I do rue the condition. Not ever for long, but anyway, my story....

I hear this insanely weird noise, like a car with a flat tire kachunk kachunk kachunk, except there's no motor sound and it's in my yard, what the #$% is it disturbing my maudlin reverie?

It's Angus with his new favorite toy, which is a bicycle helmet that the previous tenant left behind and I had in a box on the porch. I'd forgotten he'd claimed ownership of it until he came barrelling around the side of the house, riding the damn thing!

Since it's dome-shaped, he's either rockin' and rollin' with his front paws inside it, or shoving it along the gravel trying to flip it over like a tortoise with all it's appendages tight inside, or dragging it beside him at top speed by the nylon straps. It makes a heinous noise regardless of which side is up, and all the neighbor dogs could NOT figure out what it was, and set up one hell of a barking festival.

Meanwhile I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, and there went my itty bitty blues, just like that.

Gotta love a dog that will break my bank one week and then split my sides the next!

more on climate with some other links

News from the Climate Crisis Coalition and The People’s Ratification of the Kyoto Global Warming Treaty

Dear Friends of CCC and signers of the Kyoto Petition:

The need and rationale for the People’s Ratification of the Kyoto Global Warming Treaty keep getting stronger. Just this week the world academies of science issued an unprecedented joint statement calling upon the developed nations of the world to take prompt aggressive action commensurate to the growing evidence of how serious global warming is (

But the Bush administration continues to obstruct international cooperation. And we now learn that the chief of staff for the White House Council on Environmental Quality, Philip A. Cooney (a former lobbyist at the American Petroleum Institute) has “repeatedly edited government climate reports in ways that play down links between [greenhouse gas] emissions and global warming.” (The New York Times, Andrew C. Revkin, 08 Jun 2005.) Along with our allies, we are responding to the US intransigence as best as we can.

The Greenpeace Thin Ice Campaign
The Climate Crisis Coalition is collaborating with Greenpeace USA in a major effort to wake up America to the realities of global warming. We are encouraging everybody we’ve contacted over the last year, including all petition signers, to get on board Greenpeace’s Project Thin Ice. This project, which has sponsored an exciting arctic expedition, provides us with a dramatic and informative way to experience the melting of our polar ice cap. Their website ( also provides us with an engaging vehicle to do something positive. Please visit the site, register your name, and collect points as you lend a supporting hand.

Not insignificantly, Project Thin Ice is helping us to collect signatures for the People’s Ratification petition, for which we are most grateful. When you go to their site, please do not sign the petition a second time; you will find other actions that you can sign on to.

The US Mayors Climate Protection Agreement
You may have read about the US Mayors Climate Protection Agreement. 161 Mayors, in 37 states, have now signed this agreement, pledging to do all they can to have their cities meet the Kyoto guidelines – not withstanding our national government’s intransigent refusal. Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels is leading this encouraging initiative (, and our ally, KyotoUSA, ( is going all out to promote it. Please visit both sites, and consider taking action to get your community to join this bandwagon. This weekend Mayor Nickels takes his campaign to the U.S. Conference of Mayors meeting in Chicago (Nickels pushing pro-Kyoto resolution to mayors, The Seattle Times, June 9, 2005).

The Mayors Climate Protection Agreement and our People’s Ratification petition offer complementary ways for US citizens to cooperate with the intentions of the Kyoto Protocol. In contrast to our national government, we can set a good example and be responsible stewards. We recognize the grave threats that greenhouse gases pose to our fragile planet, and we can act proactively.

The People’s Ratification of the Kyoto Global Warming Treaty
Many people have been asking us what our plans are for the petitions we collect. We can now announce the first destination. During the first Meeting of the Parties to the Kyoto Protocol, this November 28 to December 9, in Montréal, we will announce the People's Ratification in a way that will maximize international attention to fact that US citizens care about global warming. This will be a significant international gathering, which coincides with the eleventh session of the Conference of the Parties to the Climate Change Convention. It will have a huge international presence. The fact that the US is not an official party to the treaty will loom very large. It will be an important forum to demonstrate that, notwithstanding our President, people in the US support the Kyoto Protocol, and the stronger measures that must follow as this crisis deepens. It is now incumbent on us to gather as many signatures as we can. To date we’ve collected 25,700 – 15,300 on our website and 10,400 collected separately by allies and supporters. Seeds have been planted, and we have a long way to go. We are particularly encouraged by the people who are downloading copies of the petition, collecting signatures and sending them in. And with more allies like Greenpeace (Project Thin Ice has collected 7,300 signatures for the People’s Ratification) and by focusing on the need to present many signatures in Montréal, we can build on the momentum now underway.

After signing The People’s Ratification of the Kyoto Global Warming Treaty yourself (which you can do online at, please help spread the word; forward this email to people you know and to lists you are on; and urge people to visit our website ( to sign the petition online. Signatures gathered on printed copies at community events and other locales are also helpful. (Our address is on the petition.) If you are having any trouble printing them from our site, we can send the petition and our cover letter to you as email attachments.

Finally, now is the time for your contribution to be most effective in this vital campaign. As we rev up the People’s Ratification, expenses are growing. Our challenge is to have at least ½ million signatures by December. We’re at 5 %, and this is no time to falter. Contributions can be made on our website, or checks can be sent to Kyoto and Beyond, P.O. Box 648, Lenox, MA 01240. You may also email us for information about tax-deductible contributions and the Climate Crisis Coalition’s other projects. We deeply appreciate your support.

Sincerely yours,
Ross Gelbspan, Connie Hogarth, Rev. Paul Mayer and Paul Glick, Steering Committee;Tom Stokes, Coordinator

The Climate Crisis Coalition (CCC) is founded on the premise that the climate crisis is real, that it is overarching and that there is an urgent need for intensified public awareness and political action. A central mission is to broaden the circle of individuals, organizations and constituencies engaged in this issue to include labor, the environment, peace, social justice, civil rights, civil liberties, farmers, students, academics, people of color and people of faith. CCC will provide a structure for these constituents to find a common agenda and advance action plans to be implemented with a united front.

stop global warming

What do Wesley Clark, John McCain, and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common?
Why, they're all on this page, virtually marching together. See below:

Friday, June 10, 2005

He's back!

Angus has made a full recovery and I'm happy to be finding shoes all over the yard and defending myself from becoming punctured again! My heart is full. Thank you for all the kind words, thoughts and prayers! I know they all helped tons--plus it's just amazing what a few hours of IV fluids will do for a young puppy.

I brought him home yesterday right before having to be at work for 7 hours--my longest day. Since parvo can live outside of the dog (in piles in the yard, say) for up to 6 months, I knew I had to keep him inside for that time. So I closed off all the rooms I could, laid down peepee pads, and crossed my fingers that he wouldn't destroy the living room while I was gone.

Here we must segue back to his early puppyhood at Maggie's Farm, when she was encouraging me to bring a pupster home. I was considering what to call him, and the name Snow Lion came to mind as it is a Tibetan symbol, and I am studying Tibetan Buddhism, and my other dog's name is Sun Bear. It all seemed to mesh nicely. However, if you try calling out, "Here, Snow Lion!" you will understand why I ultimately chose not to call him that. But recently I was shopping online for a mala (Buddhist rosary) and also bought some Tibetan incense. I already had a box of Tara incense, and bought a juniper one and also one called "Snow Lion" simply b/c of the name.

So last night I got home and heard him barking through the door. I'd kept Sun Bear out, as I didn't want her to be the enforced babysitter for that length of time, so it was the first time he'd been kept inside Alone. I went in the house and began my search, dodging jumping puppy and pushing dog, to see if everything was intact.

Of course he had turned over the trash in the kitchen. He'd also taken 3 empty beer bottles on a tour of the living room. He'd been playing with a floodlight bulb that was under the couch. And he'd discovered my altar, rearranged the water offering cups, and completely shredded one box of incense. Just one. Which one do you think he chose?


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Still here....

I've been lost since Sunday night--caring for the puppy has been eating me up emotionally. I finally gave him to the vet for inpatient care yesterday around noon and came home to repair myself and my home. I haven't been doing a great job of managing everything, so the house needed cleaning and meals needed cooking and I needed some down time! After cleaning and cooking and relaxing with a couple of beers, I put on Peter Gabriel's Secret World Live cd (Don't Give Up/In Your Eyes) and danced and sang and offered his soul up to the universe if indeed it was time for him to leave. Lots of tears and heartfelt prayers, plus some special bonding time with the old dog Sun Bear, who's been mostly ignored during the last few days.

I'm (almost) glad my parents are both gone as I'm a lousy nurse when it's close to home. My sensitivities are mightily developed, and I suppose it's one of the reasons I'm a good MT. Eventually I stopped trying to grow a thicker hide, and began to appreciate my tender self; but one of the by-products of this level of squishiness (as Magz would say) is that my boundaries are easily swamped. So I've been leaky as hell all day at work--another neglected sphere of activity--since I didn't know if Angus had survived the night, and wouldn't take the chance of calling to find out until I was safe in my car and headed home!

Thankfully he's still with us. I'm feeling much more optimistic at this point.

I lost my mother at age 11 while on a family trip to Florida over spring break. She had a seizure in the night and the ambulance came to get her....end of story. She was DOA with a massive stroke at age 50. I'm not pushing for sympathy here, just trying to explain that my quick trip to the worst-case scenario has some basis in personal history. I try like hell to be more upbeat, but in the back of my mind is always lurking the suspicion of the ending no one wants to consider--at first I thought it was due to watching too many TV shows!

Let us never forget that life itself can teach us deep lessons early, early on.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

What a day...!

I had a lovely, simply lovely, time at Maggie's Farm. We didn't do a whole heck of a lot, but managed to buy some new duds at the dollar store and eat big at the Chinese restaurant. (At least I did; Magz couldn't manage more than a teeny bowl of hot and sour soup and a couple of crab puffs. Can anyone tell me WHY they are called crab puffs when they don't seem to contain the smallest shred of crab--or even Krab--meat?)

Repairing back to the farm I was lulled to sleep by Magz' dulcet tones reading me an incredibly convoluted blogtale, about an event that was blogged by 3 different people. I can't even begin to describe it as I was dozing off for most of it, but I think the people are Jack, Jay, and ?Rick? ?Rob?--see, I wasn't kidding when I said I missed a lot. But it was high comedy and if I ever find it online I'll blog the links.

This morning we had a lazy time with coffee and the computer, and finally headed outside where a divinely sunny day embraced us with its beneficence. I shoveled horse shit for the first time in a long time.
It's hard for Magz to watch anyone else clean her corrals, but I told her to get over it as I needed the therapy. It's quite soothing actually.

Back to Tucson today where my son informed me through tears of joy that he's been accepted into Architecture School! That's a big huzzah for him! Proud mother is just beaming!

Meanwhile, Angus has been off his feed for a couple of days. Him being a puppy and all, I just figured he'd eaten something putrid, and had been giving him some activated charcoal for his tummy ache (works for people too). That wasn't having much of an effect, so after observing his listless state and eventual refusal to even drink water, decided it was time to go see the vet--the emergency vet--the many dollar signs, but we're open ALL the time vet--and damn it, he has canine parvo virus. The diagnosis is not a happy one, but I think his prognosis is fair. They gave him some SQ fluids and a couple of shots. It was wise not to have waited until tomorrow morning, when he is still going to see our regular vet. I hope he's as strong as I think he is.

So, baby food and Pedialyte, neither of which he's interested in, are on the menu tonight. And my nice colleagues at work are finding a sub for me at the massage school, so I don't have to worry about covering class tomorrow. We shall see what we shall see. Anyone have any good stories about parvo? I did some research on the web before taking him in--actually that's what made up my mind, due to the potentially life-threatening nature of the thing--and there's some kind of wonder cure available online. I'd appreciate knowing if anyone has tried it. It's called Parvoguard.

OK so that's all the news from my corner. I feel pleasantly toasty from working in the sun for a short while today and am keeping optimistic about my puppydog. Please join me!

ciao for now!

Friday, June 03, 2005

blog clog

Hey--I've been in the doldrums the last few days. Nothing special or profound--but as my good friend cHarley says, If you' re not depressed or anxious about the world of late, you're not paying attention. Or something like that. Sorry if it's a misquote, guy, but this is Blogland.

Much of my psychic energy is once again beaming towards Ms. Magz, whose cup of shit continues to runneth over. If you know what I'm talking about, send her some prayers of completion. If not, don't sweat it; just send prayers. I'm probably heading out her way either today or tomorrow for some hang time at the farm. I'll take my guitar and my Mike's Hard Lime and we'll see what happens. One foot in front of the other--we've all been there.

And meanwhile, Angus is cuter than ever and has mostly learned not to bite me and Sun Bear. He's elongating nicely, can jump up on the couch from a near-standstill (pogo-dog!), and is learning about Not Barking In The House Or In The Car these days. I'd be happy if he were a quiet dog, but he's got genetic hardwiring for the opposite; his mother is an annoying repetitive barker and Magz has more than once threatened to strangle Belle with her own doggie tongue. (Now there's a visual.) However, since I got him so early in his life, he has had equal time with a non-barking role model, so I hope longevity counts for more than heredity.

Interesting question that, one that has plagued psychologists/psychiatrists/social scientists for eons: Nature vs. Nurture? What's more important, the hardware or the software? Where's the dividing line b/t what our ancestral forebears genetically imprinted in our DNA, and what our nest and learning experiences provide? And can that line be crossed?

Chew on that awhile, and let me know where you get.

ciao for now!