Saturday, October 18, 2014


it was an absolutely gorgeous, mid-fall day here.  puffy cloud cover much of the day, warm sunshine, refreshing breeze out of the east.  perfect.  and an easy day at the office too.

i took Ms. Pearl to the park near my house and we walked the border.  last week, i took my grandson, 1 1/2, there for the first time.  he had a blast on the jungle gym!  my son met us there and it activated my early memories of living in Tucson.

my son's birthday parties were almost always held at this park; his bday is in the latter part of February and it's usually nice enough to host an outdoor party at that time of year.  some years it was too cold, and then we'd go to Peter Piper Pizza or some such place, but the park parties were the best.

so today, Pearl and i were walking along and i was remembering those many bday parties; son was nearly 3 when we moved here and just turned 30, so that was many years ago.  he learned to ride a bike on the grass at Himmel Park.  he was a lifeguard during high school and worked at the pool (closed now for many years, but i looked today and it is full of clean water) there.

then, suddenly, WHAM! i was hit with a tsunami of nostalgia and intense loneliness.

i have lived here so many years and still feel as though i am removed from almost everything (yes, emotional hyperbole).  feel like i'm just on the periphery of Life..."just visiting."

guess i could change my choices around that, huh?


Monday, October 06, 2014

the spaciousness of my true nature

that is the tag line of my business: "rest in the spaciousness of your true nature" and lately my life has felt quite spacious.  i'm making some changes.  quitting tobacco, yes i am, and jeez it's hard, but not impossible.  exercising more, yes i am, and jeez it's challenging, but not impossible.

spending lots of time alone, yes i am, and jeez it's quiet and spacious and i find i like it a lot.

an old friendship is up in the air over money; it feels odd and liberating at the same time.  was my role in her life merely to listen to her complain about all the crap in her life?  if so, then time to shift out of that routine.  if there is more, then i'm sure we'll figure out a way to get back to each other.

but in the meantime, i'm all circled up with my back out, if that makes sense.  still conversant but the polite wall is in place.

and it's a beautiful early fall day in the Old Pueblo with rain promised for later in the week.  lentil soup is cookin' away in the crock pot and even though my house is a mess, i am at peace.