Monday, July 30, 2007

light & love

a few weeks ago--my 27 June post--i made a small mention of an event that happened on 17 July at 11:11 GMT (which translated to 4:11 a.m. Arizona time). it was called "Fire the Grid".

it's too long of a story to relate it all here, but if you are interested i recommend going to the site and reading more.

there's a cd that goes along with the whole thing, and i got a copy, and i've been listening to it a ton, and it's helping so much. i have played it at work and folks have commented on how magical their treatments have been. it's definitely transporting music!

it's called Light & Love and you can check it out at

here's a blurb from the site:

A meditation CD unlike any before it, LIGHT & LOVE features a compelling and enlightening collection of some of Anael and Bradfield's finest instrumental and vocal music, sequenced exactly as requested by Shelley Yates' Light Beings, but more importantly, it holds important tonal information to awaken the soul and infuse human beings with truth, love and hope for the future. These hidden tones are in fact an encoded program to facilitate the awakening and ascension of a critical mass of humanity on our planet as we engage the universal energy and shift into a new paradigm. Bradfield has an incredible gift to hear these tones and embed them in his creations, creating in essence "medicine" for this energy transformation.

LIGHT & LOVE is carefully programmed to assist during meditation, to open and activate chakras, or simply to uplift the listener to a place of pure joy, enhancing any day. The CD comes with a 28 page deluxe booklet containing insightful commentary and analysis by Shelley Yates (FIRE the GRID) to maximize the effect of this music and its power to alter our soul bodies.


meanwhile, i'm ever closer to the compassionate heart of wishing chris and amy all the best. (can't really call him "sweetie" anymore, hmh?)

plus, i no longer have to worry about julie--chris' son's mother--reading/looking over my shoulder. how i limited my expression, for fear of her reprisal, that would somehow reflect on him. that's fear-based living, and i'm glad to be shed of that bit of it.

so, taza--welcome to your freedom, hon!

Sunday, July 29, 2007


we had a fabulous rainstorm yesterday. it blew in from the northwest and dropped at least an inch in about an hour. i went out for tea with a friend and we watched the streets become rivers. rain blew in the tea shop door, it was blowing so hard.

when our arid climate suddenly transforms into the tropics, it's weird and wonderful. my yard, normally dirt/sand/rock, has become a muddy quagmire. this makes the kitchen the mud room. there are towels strewn all over to hastily wipe human/dog feet as they come in from the outdoors. even with this precaution, there are pawprints decorating my bedspread (the cat comes in the window), the floor, the rugs, etc.

good thing i'm not a neat freak. the house is actually in pretty gross shape right now. housecleaning, never a strong point, has taken a back seat to emotional excesses. but this is the best day yet.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

no rhyme nor reason

i found out yesterday that sweetie and the new GF are moving in together, and wrote a scathing, hysterical, royally pissed off post that i later deleted. so if you were here and read it, please accept my apologies for being hysterically pissed off in print. some things just aren't meant for blogging, at least in my book.

and many thanks to my blogger-buddies for the sweet and supportive comments. they all matter, and they all help.

i feel like the (emotional) scab that was forming was ripped off, and the tears are flowing anew. and i also know that as crude as this seems, he is doing the best he can for him and his son. just doesn't feel like the best to me.

sometimes i really hate the fact that i try to see both sides.

i'm fine at work but that's about the only place. i keep meaning to go to the gym but haven't made it there yet.

working out would probably be better than crying; it would move the energy out, instead of sog it up.

got quite loaded last night with the help of a couple of friends (many thanks to tuctex for her ear, shoulder, and good red wine). someone tell me why drinking is the universal antidote to pain? i was in yucky form this morning for a 7:00 a.m. business meeting--oh well, i wasn't the only one who was not in top form. for some reason about a third of the folks there seemed to have misplaced their brains. must be going around.

i spent the afternoon horizontal, alternately napping and sobbing. this really sucks! i hope there are no more scab-rippings to endure, 'cause i am about tapped out on feeling like shit.

i WILL get over this. my humor WILL return. i WILL stop crying whenever anyone looks at me with curiosity or concern. i WILL give thanks for the good parts, because there were plenty of them.

i WILL NOT return the jewelry.

Monday, July 23, 2007

my note from the Universe this morning

OK, a refresher on what to imagine, when imaging super-fun life-changes, or any kind of change your heart desires: Details are good, Taza. Lots and lots of details are even better. Imagine every sight, sound, color, and texture. Aroma, too. The more details the clearer the picture the faster the manifestation.

But tell me, if, hypothetically and unexpectedly, I could help you manifest a Lamborghini faster than a Maserati, and it turned out, once familiar with it, you'd rather have the Lamborghini; someone tall, blonde, and handsome, instead of someone tall, dark, and handsome, and it turned out upon meeting this person there's no one you'd rather be with; or bring you creative fulfilling work as a designer instead of as an engineer, a home in London rather than Paris, a plane instead of a boat, a windfall instead of just debt-reduction, an Oscar rather than an Emmy, sooner rather than later, and in every case such surprises not only strayed from the details you first imagined, but were deeply in line with a truer you than you even knew existed, wouldn't they just thrill you to pieces?

Good, so now you know what I mean when I say that even as you would ideally imagine every conceivable detail of your heart's desire, don't attach yourself to those details, only to the bigger pictures of wealth and abundance, friends and laughter, health and harmony, thereby leaving me the wiggle-room I need to blow your beautiful mind.

Attached to you,
The Universe


ok, the truth is that i've known about the New Girlfriend for about a week. it was a hard week but i know myself and i know that i blow through stuff pretty quick if i just let myself FEEL it.

i have been pissed off and hurt and i have cried a lot and i'm about done with it.

besides, this note from the Universe today is a wonderful way to start my newest new beginning.

and i wish sweetie and his next new beginning all the best.

just might be awhile before i can tell him that in person.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

and life goes on

so, sweetie and i decided to call it quits.

2 weeks later, he's already seeing someone else.

to call this painful is an understatement.

so if i'm absent from these pages for awhile, it's just because i'm searching for my equilibrium.

see ya