Sunday, June 19, 2005


Well, I was planning on heading to Mz. Magz today, but the green chili burrito I ate for a late lunch yesterday had other plans for me. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say I think I'd better sit tight for the remainder of the day--very tight!

Last night I went out, for the first time in months, to hear a local band that I used to play guitar/sing with ( They now have a really cool thing going on, which is that the 3-4 person core invites "special guests" to play gigs with them, so the sound differs according to the guests. They have a huge repetoire of cover songs in a bunch of genres, so it can be very acoustic or very rockin', depending. Last night they had a hot young piano player--I'm serious, this guy is going to go places--plus one of Tucson's old fixture honky-tonk singer/guitarists, and a pedal steel guitar player as well. It was a big crowd both onstage and off, and I had a good time nursing a margarita (on the rocks, with salt) and dancing when so moved.

Our little community of yayhoos is very dance-enthused, so there's never any problem with needing a partner to hit the floor, or of dancing with only *one* partner for that matter. It's more like socializing while jumping around--snaking around the other jiggling bodies and making small talk at the top of your lungs and in time with the beat.

I was there for a couple of hours and then just as easy I was in my car driving home. I like travelling solo and travelling light with just the one car key and enough cash for the evening folded into my rear pocket. When it's time to go, I don't hang around trying to talk myself out of it.

But, but, BUT.

I saw the object of my last (quite unrequited) crush with his new tiny girlfriend and it made me swallow hard a couple of times. And I mean really tiny, like even with heels she came up to about his shirt pocket, and he's not a big guy. What is it about small women? Can any of you guys please sound off on this? I don't have anything against them per se, but really, besides the obvious "I can protect you" BS, is there some kind of subterranean Lolita current running through the collective male unconscious? Or maybe it's a dominance thing? And I know I'm being overly general and unfair about this. It's not like there is any one thing that every single male of the species could agree on--at least I HOPE there isn't.

I can't think of the appropriate mirror for me either. I guess I appreciate a man who is big enough to give me a good wrestle (if I require one, hehe), but at the same time I've found a lot of big strong guys don't have big strong brains to match. Boy, that sounded bad....OK, starting over, what I'm trying to say is that I've always been a *healthy* gal with *big bones,* one of the 3 tallest students in 6th grade, etc. (Dad was 6'4", so sue me.) So following the usual cultural directive to find a bigger stronger more macho partner meant that I teamed up with several Neanderthals before I got a little smarter about coupling. (However, I've never gotten actually *smart* about it, just less dumb, to the point where singledom sounds more better than coupledom for the time being.) And at this point in my life I don't take it too personally, but have a certain abject curiousity about the subject. I'm sure she has a winning personality, and all this blather just goes to show that yes, I am taking it a little personally, and I wish I'd stop. Crushes are just a bummer for the most part. But I sometimes miss feeling giddy in the heart region. And I miss kissing. And I ain't getting any tinier with age, LOL!

Argh, enough. Ciao for now!


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