all righty then!

words immortalized by Jim Carey....

it's hot, i'm not terribly busy, sweetie has his hands full, life goes on. would love to visit sweetieville and it's not happening in the foreseeable future. we are both broke. he has had to pay so much money to lawyer, custody evaluator, psychiatrist, etc.

so the dogs and i camp out in the house a lot. my son is going to build a shade for the western wall of my house. the neighbors cut down a tree last fall that provided a lot of shade for my bedroom and office. what a difference without it!

here's a cheap trick for the sunny side of your house: get one of those mylar emergency blankets sold to carry in your glovebox. cut it into pieces the size of your windows. tape into place. they are reflective but see-through at the same time, so you don't lose the entire view out the window, but they do reflect a lot of the rays and heat. it's what's keeping those 2 rooms in my house tolerable right now.

this is the first week of 98-99 degree days, every single day. sigh. i know, i chose to live here. i'm not complaining, just sighing.

:)

confession

i have to admit to lying to all of you, and i'm going to explain and apologize at the same time.

my sweetie's ex--the mother of his young son, although they never married--has been a fairly regular visitor to my blog. at times it has felt very creepy, at times it has reminded me that i am so very blessed by comparison, at times i've been angry about her spying on me, etc., etc., etc.

in my next-to-last post i said that sweetie was under investigation and it was driving him nuts.

the truth of the matter was that the court was ruling in his favor, and he was planning a super-quick trip to pick up the young son, before his ex could get wind of the plan and disappear--which has always been one of sweetie's deepest fears.

he knows she is crafty and fearful and completely capable of fleeing. it is the nature of her disorder to mistrust everyone.

i posted that entry hoping she would read it and breathe a sigh of relief--but i don't think she did read it, and her radar must have been working, because she called her son's school the same morning (that sweetie arrived) and requested his school records and wanted to come get him.

happily, young son is now in (temporary) full custody with sweetie, and there is a hearing today.

such drama.

and, i still wish sweetie's ex would get help, because a child needs both parents--but not one who is certifiably mentally ill and refuses treatment.

i continue to send her compassionate thoughts when i can.

and i ask the forgiveness of my other readers for the red herring i placed on the trail.

repressed and depressed

what's happening is that my sweetie, more or less despondent over the situation with his son, is checking out more often and not letting me know about it. he's freaked out and frustrated, but i'm similarly affected by his moods.

the whole situation is so surreal (i am so thankful that my son's father and i never had to go through the legal system to manage our parenting) that i can't even pretend to understand.


meanwhile it looks like i have a day off and i must say it's nice to not have to take care of anyone for a few hours. i put a lot into my work and just last night noticed that i can't make a fist with one of my hands because my knuckles are swollen.

wah, wah, wah.

:(

one of these days i'll be cheerful again.

more of the same

i would like to say that i've been absent because my life is so fabulously entertaining right now that i just haven't had time to be here.

sorry!

it's been hard going lately, slogging through the spring--at least the weather's been glorious!--but on the home front and on the sweetie front, things aren't great.

i've been quiet just because i learned so well, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." however, my silence has become cumbersome, and so i am here to disgorge a bit. if you don't feel like reading a rant, click away from here now!


*****************you been warned******************


ok, first is the sweetie stuff. he was able to visit with his young son for 3 days in a row, seems like it was about 3 weeks ago? we were hopeful of some kind of resolution--or at least a glimmer of one. however, it's not to be--he's been accused of some unspeakable acts, and is now under investigation for that. i'm simply appalled. and i really can't say much more than that, except i continue to believe that the truth will come out, but g-d knows when that might happen.

so--the stress of being far away, and powerless to do anything other than fume (which is not a happy situation for a fire sign) caused me to O.D. on bad food over an extended period. the last straw was the better part of a bag of licorice jelly beans--which caused such an uproar in my large intestine that i ended up pretty much flat on my back for 3 days, with a lower back spasm that wouldn't quit. i never knew jelly beans could actually do a person in!

it's much funnier in retrospect, and i have a new diet now that is remarkably low in sugar and other acid-forming foods. sigh. no more daily coffee, no more ice cream, and definitely no more jelly beans--my Achilles heel of junk food.

meanwhile, my business is growing. i swear it is. i mean, you can't really watch grass grow, but it does, doesn't it? it's incremental. and i am not super patient, although i must say that all these trials in my life seem to be suggesting that it might be a good trait to develop.

i'm not really going to add anything about my financial state except to say that i intend that it's reversing.

one bright light is that a woman i used to trade massage with, is now trading me for business coaching. it is sweet of her to do this AND i'm very surprised by the issues that are coming up. my inner judgments about money and success are quite stubborn, and so working on them will no doubt help the business grow.

another bright set of lights is my animal family. sun bear actually seems to have triumphed over valley fever, sam is gaining weight again, and angus keeps us all entertained and on our toes.

thank you for reading, if you got this far, and i apologize for having mostly bad news to share. maybe i'll go looking for some fun Blogthing to put in next time. something really interesting, like, how to figure out if your sweetheart is going nuts.