Thursday, July 26, 2007

no rhyme nor reason

i found out yesterday that sweetie and the new GF are moving in together, and wrote a scathing, hysterical, royally pissed off post that i later deleted. so if you were here and read it, please accept my apologies for being hysterically pissed off in print. some things just aren't meant for blogging, at least in my book.

and many thanks to my blogger-buddies for the sweet and supportive comments. they all matter, and they all help.

i feel like the (emotional) scab that was forming was ripped off, and the tears are flowing anew. and i also know that as crude as this seems, he is doing the best he can for him and his son. just doesn't feel like the best to me.

sometimes i really hate the fact that i try to see both sides.

i'm fine at work but that's about the only place. i keep meaning to go to the gym but haven't made it there yet.

working out would probably be better than crying; it would move the energy out, instead of sog it up.

got quite loaded last night with the help of a couple of friends (many thanks to tuctex for her ear, shoulder, and good red wine). someone tell me why drinking is the universal antidote to pain? i was in yucky form this morning for a 7:00 a.m. business meeting--oh well, i wasn't the only one who was not in top form. for some reason about a third of the folks there seemed to have misplaced their brains. must be going around.

i spent the afternoon horizontal, alternately napping and sobbing. this really sucks! i hope there are no more scab-rippings to endure, 'cause i am about tapped out on feeling like shit.

i WILL get over this. my humor WILL return. i WILL stop crying whenever anyone looks at me with curiosity or concern. i WILL give thanks for the good parts, because there were plenty of them.

i WILL NOT return the jewelry.


At 7/27/07, 1:33 AM, Blogger alan said...

This is your place to say what you need to say; you don't have to apologize!

If you need to vent in private, my e-mail is listed on my profile...

That misplaced brain thing is a function of too early and the summer effect!



At 7/28/07, 8:01 AM, Blogger kath said...

when your heart hurts... you just do what you have to do.

crying and ranting are both acceptable on the path to trying to heal..

hang in day you will wake and it will hurt just a little less, and that will happen again and again, and someday.. the wound will have become a scar, and easier to live with.

that time will come when it comes..
in the meantime.. take care of you, do what you need to do to feel better.. and wallow in the friendships that you can count on.. that helps wounds to heal.. but you know that...



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