R.I.P. Ryan Jenkins

here is an amazing story that i must put down somewhere besides my personal journal.

i had been grieving ever since finding out about Jasmine's death. in addition to praying for Jasmine's soul and her mother Spirit, i tried to find a space in my heart to pray for Ryan Jenkins, the man almost certainly responsible for her death and mutilation. i knew he was living in Hell, inside his own mind--and just kept hoping he would do the right thing, somehow.

yesterday, after an amazingly healing sweat lodge experience, i took my 3 dogs to the riverbed for a late afternoon walk. the eastern horizon was turbid with clouds, dark gray, and the wind had started to pick up. i stood on the bank of the riverbed (dry river of course), feeling the wind pushing into me, the strength and cool freshness in it. looking east, i saw a partial rainbow "leg", trying to form fully. there were several bright segments but gaps in between them. the part closest to the horizon appeared to be growing towards the upper segments, which over a short time joined together.

i felt very clearly that the separated part of that rainbow was Jasmine's spirit, returning to the One. there was a 2nd segment next to the bottom one that was also apart from the whole. i saw this part as Ryan. in that moment i somehow "knew" that he would not be found alive--that just his body would be found somewhere.

i watched and prayed for about 10 minutes, and saw the 2 separate pieces become one--then that larger, joined segment approached the much bigger portion that arced up and away. i prayed to Jasmine to just reach out and touch the bigger part, to reunite with the Whole Enchilada (lol) so that she could finally be healed and prepared for her next incarnation. as the rainbow leg completed itself i felt a gentle burst in my heart of joy and peace. i knew she had successfully crossed over. at last i could lay this to rest in my being.

i turned to see what the dogs were doing. 2 were playing, but the old one, Sun Bear, was just standing and trying, unsuccessfully, to scratch her belly with one of her hind legs. every time she'd start, she'd lose her balance, right herself, and start over. (aging sucks, even if you're a dog.)

i walked over to Sun Bear--who was about 15 feet away--and reached under her with both of my hands to give her a good scritchy session. i laid my head on her back, and gazed back, with a soft focus, to where i'd been standing.

from that odd point of view, i was able to see the owl wing feather planted in the sand, not 2 feet from where i'd been standing that whole time. it was waving at me in the wind, and i remained in that sideways position for quite awhile, not actually believing that i was seeing this perfect owl feather, standing quill-down in the wind, waiting for me to go claim it.

i stood up and actually looked around to see if i could catch the person, or spirit, who had dashed up and planted it there! how was it not blowing away?

the deckled edge of the wing feather--which is what gives owls their silent flight--was oh-so-barely attached to a little green scrub plant. that plant was holding the feather for me.

it was a message from Jasmine--at least in my mind this is the unshakeable truth. she made it!

and then later on after dinner, i turned on the computer and found the headline on my Yahoo page: Reality TV Star Found in Hotel Room. they don't word it like that if the person is still alive. Ryan Jenkins indeed found justice, at the end of a rope.

R.I.P. Jasmine Fiore

it's been a long time since i knew this girl, but know her i did....she was about 9, and my son was 6; i was running a riding stables and they often went riding together. her horse--a Morgan cross--was named Flashy Lad; my son had good old Amigo, a Welsh pony, for his trusty steed.

this was in the early 90's. my son is now 25, and Jasmine is now in the Heaven world, and i'm asking for prayers for her today. she was murdered a week ago, and the media is having a fine time plastering pix of her and her alleged killer (sordid details available on any news site) on the screen.

what can i say, except that i am grieving the seemingly inescapable pain of human relations, when in my heart i know it could be so different. is it irresponsible to disconnect from the media so that my tenderness is not constantly exploited and rubbed raw by the sensationalistic stories of 'man's inhumanity to man'?

i watched the new moon rising last night, the beautiful crescent hung atop the pink and blue clouds of a desert sunset. a hawk floated across the sky and my heart soared with the beauty of this world, in spite of us.