3 weeks later

i am mourning the loss of my home privacy. but then again how blessed i have been most of my life to enjoy personal space.

had a major snit fit yesterday after working 6 days in a row. there sure is a lot going on energetically; i feel it in my auric field and work on it every day in the bodies and auras of my clientele. i hope i don't bring too much of it home with me but there you have it; massive change in underway in all aspects of our planet's existence, and to say i'm not affected is not true. i try to minimize the ways in which i demonstrate it. that's about the best i can do.

the sweetie man is truly sweet. when i am snitful, he lets me be; doesn't engage with or challenge the snit, doesn't bait the demoness, doesn't take the bait she trails around the house. it's a wise choice and really lessens the snit duration. so i am thankful and in retrospect i am amazed at his capacity to roll with things like he has.

the baby is a baby. she is cute, she cries, she coos. she is gaining control over her little body while her mother is gaining some stability in her life. the whole thing is reawakening some old wounds from my past; i.e. my total lack of parental support during my pregnancy and my son's earliest years. i was disowned by my parents for having a baby out of wedlock. they did not meet their grandson until he was almost 3. is there any surprise that my son is not close to my family?

blah, blah, blah.

baby-itis!

oooh, she's a baby! a tiny little fist-waving bundle of cooing and farts. ;)
it's going well and so far, so good.

yikes!

seems i will have total immersion into the sweetie's family....not only did his daughter and granddaughter move in today, his son is coming on the 7th and asked if he can sleep on the couch! of course, his visit will not be permanent--neither is the daughter's, as the RV becomes intolerably hot in about mid-May--but i am feeling some overwhelmation....

in a day or so this is going to be funny, and i will be able to take it with a laugh and a shrug, but at the moment everything is igniting the long-buried horrible feelings of alienation and abandonment that i experienced when my father married my stepmother. i began retreating immediately, and acting out--and feel the same pulling tension right now. the need to escape, strike out, run away--which is one of those coping mechanisms born of a need to survive pain, but now feels a lot like an inappropriate, adolescent reaction.

soooooooo it's going to be interesting....as i texted sweetie this morning, 'every good deep connection pushes those good deep wounds'. we never know until we are pushed, do we? just how far we've come, how much we've learned, and how much we can choose a different response?

:/