peace, love, blessings

it's Christmas eve and i'm just putting the finishing touches on a vat of lentil-barley soup that i will be sharing with my son in an hour or so. then we will join some friends to walk through Winterhaven, a local neighborhood that features extravagant Christmas light displays every year--like, you have to agree to participate if you buy a house there.

then we are going to our annual Christmas Eve service at St. Francis in the Foothills, in honor of my father, gone 5 years now. i've told that story before, i think, but i'll tell it once more for the anniversary--and then i think i'll be done with it.

he fell and hit the back of his head on Christmas Eve of 2002. he generally felt OK, and was checked out by the nursing staff where he lived, but later on started feeling headache-y and strange. so, he went to the ER, where he slipped into a coma in the waiting room.

he was on blood thinners, and had been bleeding slowly into his brain stem all day. he was pretty much gone by then, but hung on until the last little lamb (that would be me) could straggle in and say good-bye. i arrived the afternoon of the 26th, and he died that evening.

so, Marshall C. Guthrie, Jr., i bless you and hereby give away your legacy of short temper, high irritation level, inappropriate humor, and emotional abuse of family members. but i am keeping your strength, your integrity, and your wonderful personal charm that made life-long friends of your business associates. (too bad you couldn't spare much of that charm for your wife and children, but hey, we're all here to learn, right?)

i dedicate this post to all who have lost parents and struggled with what to keep and what to let go of, on any level.

and thanks to the LIGHT for coming back!

'tis the season....

....to be very, very patient with EVERYONE (including Self....)!

well, the computer got fixed but i had gotten out of the habit of logging on daily and it was kind of nice to find myself with extra time on my hands, so to speak. i do apologize for neglecting you, my blogger buddies!

if i could see the mountains outside, they'd be covered with snow, but as it is, we are blanketed under a thick cloud of fog this morning here in the lowlands. after 3 days of rain the ground is saturated. we should have a kick-ass wildflower season next year!

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it's my birthday on friday. i'm turning 51. i have sweet memories of the big "5-0" last year, when Chris got off his bridge a day early so he could fly west and celebrate it with me. the good news is, i've had 2 important revelations in the last couple of weeks. #1, i'm not mad at him anymore, and #2, i don't want him back!

i've reached this extraordinarily content phase in my life where i'm realizing that it really is all for the best, that i'm better on my own, that i love my peculiar and solitary life just fine. being in a relationship is simply too much stimulus overload for me. my little family of furbies and i have a good thing going on. my son is independent, we have a good rapport, i am finished raising children.

my work is deeply important to me, and that's where the bulk of my energy is going lately. last week i did 18 treatments, which is a lot even for me; but then again, i'm trading for things i haven't been able to afford lately--the services of the wizard who fixed my computer, the new hairdresser who gave me my first haircut in almost a year, and the young woman who teaches yoga. i'm trading with my accountant, my business coach, and also for personal training sessions for my son (Christmas gift).

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many years ago an astrologer friend suggested to me that i envision the perfect world and my place in it, and start living it. i love barter for a number of reasons: it keeps things local, it (usually) sidesteps the tax man, and it involves people helping people on a personal and humane and individual level....all concepts i can fit into my tiny brain.

the fed bailing out the mortgage mess is not something i can grok. "you fix my computer and i'll help your aching back" is.

keep it simple, silly!....lol....

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at any rate, after this long blather, i'm sure hoping that all of you are alive and well and jazzed about the return of the LIGHT coming up, however you choose to interpret it! my blessings and intentions for a peaceful, prosperous, healthy, and blissful new year to you all!