A perfect fit

Entwined in twilight, sharing the deepest parts of ourselves, I find myself dissolving in tears. Tears of release as the tightly-held hurts of the past relinquish themselves to the balm of Love, which uncurls the clenched fist of defense and offers it up to the Light. Tiny stones of hardened scar tissue deep within my heart now start to shimmer, glisten, melt and trickle away.

Everything that has ever happened in my life has brought me to this present moment. All the confusion, anguish, ecstatsy, brilliance, depravity and banality; all the glory and all the shit, have created the person I am today. And I offer you that complexity, that utterly radiant simplicity; the best I can be, the best I can know, the best I can accept from you in kind.

Summer's here at last,

with temps this week cresting at a possible 112 degrees on Saturday. It's been a long and lovely and tender Spring with a lot of gratitude from me.  Now heat and heat and then some more. Desert living means use the shade, don't open the east-facing door after 7:00 a.m., dig out the mylar space blankets to cover the east-facing window over the kitchen sink and the west-facing window in Bastian's room.

It means don't turn the oven on very much any more.

It means running the cooler much of the day to keep my animals comfy while i'm at work.

The oven's on right now, as i'm making baba ganoush and roasting the eggplant first. Later on, i'll have a cool, creamy vegan dip to eat with the carrots. :)

Still Here

Thanks to Facebook i just found out that it was 5 years ago today that i had my dog Sun Bear put to sleep.  I shed some tears at the memory, but she lived to be over 16 years old and had a fine full life. I hope someone is holding me when it's my time to cross the Rainbow Bridge!

In other news....business is slow & money is tight. It's all about survival these days. How much food do i have on hand & how many days will this casserole last? Do i have enough flour to make another batch of muffins that i can have for breakfast with the yogurt i also make myself? A half-gallon of milk makes 10 servings of yogurt and that's the best thing i can think of to do with milk.

I mean i eat very healthy but all my food is made by me. Just made hummus this afternoon & it was great. Costco sells 10# organic carrots for just over $5 and i am glad i like carrots bc 10# is a LOT of carrots! But many nights my dinner is carrots with peanut butter. It's a pretty effective & cheap way to fill my belly. And it's way healthier than fast food. I also make my own almond milk & then dehydrate the almond meal pulp that's left over & use it to bake with. So that's another cost cutter as TJ's almond meal is $7/#.

I'm grateful for mild temps & no need to run the cooler all day. I'm grateful for the clients i had today & the ones i have on Friday. I'm grateful my car is running all right.

I love my work & my critters & my tiny little life.

Bless....

I Just Wish

I Would Stop Giving Myself Such A Hard Time!

Surfing the Mood Swings

So, today & yesterday were both very much better. Thankful!

Miasma, with sparkles

Life may be short, but it's wide.

I feel like I'm just slogging along.  Trying not to hate on myself over the ridiculousness of weight gain. Went clothes shopping at Goodwill yesterday & about cried in the dressing room as i don't have a full-length mirror at home. It's much worse than i thought.

And, i have a car & work i love, family & friends, health & strength & sanity (most days anyway). So I'm better off than many. Suffering is suffering.

Please, thank you, please, thank you. Breathe in & out.

Blessings.

Oh, the mundanity!

It's difficult to type on this tablet.