Sunday, July 22, 2012

drama and trauma

seem to go hand in hand with the sweetie's family. one week after moving out, his daughter fell and broke her leg, badly. not only that but lay out in the desert screaming and crying for over an hour, waiting for aid. and yes, the baby was with her. soooo, the sweetie was gone during her hospitalization.

then her mother came out to visit--and within 4 days of a 2-week stay, the mom freaked out and came up to Tucson, refusing to have anything more to do with her daughter/granddaughter, and sweetie once again had to go to their rescue.

i don't deny the need for his help. i just question the sanity of continuing to pursue a toxic connection, mining for diamonds in a slag heap!

the upshot is, the sweetie has been gone a lot lately and i've been grooving on the solitude, calm and peace that pervade my home when my little routine is the only thing going down! the fridge is empty (no leftovers from sweetie's culinary exploits). i've been eating a lot of fresh food--salads and fruit--and feel really good. plus, i'm really broke, so never have to worry about money! i buy what i need, that's it. i don't go out to eat. it's pretty simple, my life. ;)

daughter has a friend coming up tonight from NOLA who will stay with her a couple of weeks....the sweetie is worried that the friend won't be capable of the level of care she needs....and worries about the baby....his little love. what can i say?

here's the thing: every relationship hits a wall and it either bounces off and keeps going, or it smashes into a zillion pieces and is irrevocably lost. this is our wall. it seemed to me like it was going to shatter. i felt so abandoned (yet again)! but, this is my issue, not the sweetie's issue.

and the truth is, i like being Home Alone for days at a time. i am comfortable with silence and with my own company. i love letting all the animals sleep with me. so perhaps this is so much better than i thought it could be. let in the light of possibility!


Post a Comment

<< Home