detachment

well folks (both of my readers), i am so ready for the end of the month.  it is not like me to long for the future, but the daughter and gdaughter will move out and away.  well i guess they are just moving out....to the little town she came from, 90 minutes away. of course sweetie will probably need to go visit them once a week, and this will provide me with some sorely-needed Home Alone time on a fairly regular basis. 

my opinion of their relationship doesn't seem to carry much weight.  but i can tell *you* that i think it is codependent and kind of unhealthy.  sweetie does not want to hear this kind of talk, so i keep it to myself for the most part.  i have said it and therefore am keeping no secrets, but it will do no good to harp on it.  it is what it is.  her stay here is almost over. 

the baby is beautiful, well cared for; smart, engaged with her surroundings, and already waving at 5 mos.!  her mom is smart, dramatic, talkative, canny.  her grandpa is smart, indulgent, and used to picking up mom's slack.  so, i leave it to them.  i spend time in my room with my laptop, or go out on the porch when it's not blazing hot....anywhere that i can be left alone.  i have begun reading again instead of spending every night on the couch playing games beside sweetie who is sitting on the couch playing games.

this week i've had salads every day, with the addition of cooked rice, avocado and a little cremosa queso blanco crumbled on top.  i have tried sweetie's diet and life on for the past year, and have concluded that his diet and his activity levels do not work for me!  he loves GlueFood: pizzas and cake (made from scratch!), fettucine alfredo, mac n cheese (homemade pasta too); cinnamon rolls, caramel apple pie.  when we go to the gym together he is done and waiting for me after about 20 minutes.  i like to go and take my time, so have begun going on my own. 

i know this about myself: i jump into relationships with both feet before measuring the depth.  i "do it their way" until i know if it is good for me or not good.  sweetie and i are a good match but we are not identical by any means.  time for me to start once again to do the things that float my boat.  and let myself blossom in my own pot instead of withering in someone else's.

this whole 4 months has been a real education for me as far as delving into hurt places i thought were healed.  i have done a lot of crying, gnashing of teeth, and forgiving.  it has been fruitful and i am at peace.