slammed down and then slammed right back up again!
the last 2 days were complete 180 degrees apart from each other. i swear, i'm hitting the very edges of my emotional capacity (or so i mistakenly thought)....
i lost thursday entirely to uncontrollable storms of weeping. i tried to go out twice but ended up cancelling the meetings, then had to go to the Providence at 4:30 for one treatment.
i told myself, it will be good to get out of my own stuff for awhile....but as soon as i walked in, i saw the owner standing behind the front desk. 'hey taza, HOW ARE YOU?' with a big smile that quickly turned to concern as i proceeded to have an instantaneous meltdown....suffice it to say that he advised me to go home after my treatment was over.
i was able to pull it back together for that session, and of course felt much better after it was over. as Chogyam Trungpa writes, "the true spiritual warrior's heart is perpetually broken, for when we are broken-hearted, we are most compassionate towards the suffering of others."
(i'm paraphrasing here, but this is one of the more salient points of the book Shambala.)
friday started with a bang by rocketing to the bank to deposit a check before all the online payments hit the airwaves....then did 4 treatments, 2 of which were outcalls....visited a friend in the hospital who just had a prolapse repaired (don't ask for details--but it was one of those 'i'm so grateful that's not me' moments).
a friend who moved away 13 years ago--with whom i have not kept in touch--has called me repeatedly all week, as she made an impromptu trip to Tucson with her 17-year-old son and she thought we just HAD to get together. i kept trying to explain that i was having the Week From Hell, but it just didn't filter through to her, so after my last treatment we met up at the Guatemalan restaurant for a short visit that turned into a much longer one. i was completely exhausted by the time i got back home. her son is wonderful, though, and i was really happy to re-meet him.
today i worked on 2 other folks--which is always a good antidote to wallowing, if one can make it out of the house--and now, now, now it is officially TIME OUT FOR TAZA. i will sweat tomorrow and drop the rest of this awful crap.
thank you thank you thank you for prayers, well wishes, virtual hugs, virtual drugs, and all the collective sweet juice you have been sending my way. it's all been received and put to good use.