Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I Am Ready

It's been several long weeks awaiting the visitor who arrives tomorrow. I've not lost 40 pounds, nor trimmed 3 1/2 inches from my waistline...I've still got a big arse and thunder thighs, but I also have mischevious eyes, a sunny smile, and a heart that has become content with who I am.

Knowing that "I am enough" is the best preparation I could possibly make.

Oh, the excitement is still there. The butterflies, doing lazy loop-the-loops in my stomach, haven't gone anywhere. But it's more a feeling of anticipation (like waiting for dessert), rather than of anxiety (like those dreams where you are giving a presentation and you suddenly notice you forgot to put on your pants).

My house, while a bit cleaner than usual, isn't spit-and-polished. My yard is just my yard. My porch has lots of boxes of stuff en route to a final destination, be it the thrift store or the storage trailer. Nothing is perfect, but then again neither am I and neither is my visitor. We're human, with human weaknesses and human strengths and human insight and human blind spots.

This may seem obvious to those who have been in successful relationships in the past, but I seem to have a bit more history in the other direction. This is what I meant when I posted awhile back, "I hope I have learned enough to try again."

I just wanted to take a moment here to appreciate all that has already been between us, to honor the integrity and faith that has brought us thus far--and to intend, with every fiber of my being, more of the same integrity and faith into the future, which stretches ahead and curves into the distance, beyond the reach of my eyes.

Somehow, I think to myself, it is the way Home.


At 9/14/05, 3:14 PM, Blogger tuctex said...

i've been thinkin' lots about you, and will be sure to wave as i drive by, have a joyful time!

At 9/14/05, 4:20 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

Smiling with you.

At 9/14/05, 7:25 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Have fun :)

At 9/14/05, 10:46 PM, Blogger annie said...

enjoy, taza.

At 9/15/05, 10:08 AM, Blogger magz said...

jeeez, you guys STILL havent outted yerselves?

coy... very coy sis. My camera batteries are charging even as i type this... see ya SATURDAY... hahahahahahaaaaa

At 9/15/05, 1:54 PM, Blogger kath said...

wishing magic.. long lasting magic, and the goodness of ALWAYS knowing that you are enough..

At 9/16/05, 8:30 AM, Blogger Loner said...

I don't usually post htis stuff - but taza, this was beautifully written. Having your heart ready, being open to the possibility that this time might be the ONE - even though the others wer not - that is all you can do. I am nearly 40, over 200 pounds and divorced three times...then Jusitn came along and helped me see that none of that mattered. Hope your vist goes well and you find your soul filled up - Stace

At 9/16/05, 12:28 PM, Blogger Cootera said...

Taza, I hope you both are having a grand and wonder-full time!!


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