Saturday, July 02, 2005

yeah ok!

I'm back from my short absence, and I guess I should just change the template on this sucker and all my wordwrapping problems will go away....this template is no longer available from Blogger, so any problems with it are beyond my ken for sure, and even Gemmak said she couldn't figure it out at first glance. So if I do change the template, will I lose all my comments from this one?

I swear, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Spent the afternoon at MaggiezFarm yesterday in the swelter of the first day in July. The place is looking great--and I keep wondering if it would be "just perfect" for me to assume ownership, if and when the woman decides to pull stakes. I hate the thought of commuting an hour to Tucson for work though....I've lived in 2 places simultaneously before, and I hate it. Always feels like no matter which one I'm in, I'm thinking forward or backward to the other one.

The year before my dad died and I moved back to Tucson full-time, I was staying out in the boonies during the week and commuting to Tucson on the weekends for band gigs and massage work. It got to where I had a permanent crease between my eyes from trying to figure out what I needed to get from wherever I was, to bring to where I was going. That stretch of I-10 got very familiar, and while I tried to use the drive time as my downtime, I prefer not to meditate while operating a motor vehicle. Strange, I know....

Of course, I was also participating in a relationship that was in it's death throes, except neither of us was admitting it, and that kind of thing tends to wear on you over time. It took my father's death to bring us to our senses and get the hell out of our stalemate--so in the period of 2 weeks I lost my dad, my shitty relationship, and my home sweet home in the middle of nowhere. Traded it for a spare bedroom-cum-office in a good friend's house in Tucson, more face time with my son, and full-time massage work.

I quit the band, and started going for long dawn walks in the Rillito with my dog, and finding potsherds, and being very quiet inside instead of frantic most of the time. My spark was only available for those on my massage table; otherwise I stayed home, and stayed home, and stayed home some more. I cultivated the title of "urban hermit" and made it my own. It took a long time to grieve the total package and at times I still feel incomplete with it, but for fuck's sake, it's been over 2 years now!

So, motivation. Yes, it's time to begin again with new direction, or at least to clarify the direction I'm already headed in, and get back on the proverbial horse of my destiny. I know bodywork is where I want to be, but am not sure that teaching it is. If I don't teach, I have to get a whole lot more private clients to make up for the deficit in my paycheck. Which means getting focused to 'intend my success' in this field instead of just making do, which has been more than fine for the past couple of years, but won't be enough to break that new ground.

Lying fallow is an occasional necessity whether you're a corn field or a human bean. Sometimes it's hard to get back into production, but with intention and motivation and some sweat of one's brow, it's a sure thing. And movement = change, and change = growth, and growth = movement again.

Yahoo, y'all!


Post a Comment

<< Home