Saturday, April 19, 2008

Insight from the Dalai Lama 4/19-20

"I am convinced that human nature is basically gentle, not aggressive. And every one of us has a responsibility to act as if all our thoughts, words, and deeds matter. For, really, they do. Our lives have both purpose and meaning."

i apologize for being such a lame blogger of late. i am cycling through some kind of existential angst and at times it hurts too much to breathe. my inner demons seem impossibly huge, and unusually close to the surface in recent weeks.

so, i am a little afraid to go out in public too much, as i am never sure how i will behave. my clients get the sweet and compassionate me--for everyone else it's just a crap shoot. (well, the animals are fine. it's conversation with other humans that tends to do me in.)

so, i am FINE, really. it's just peri-menopause. i am a HFMDMAW*! yeehaw!

and at times it is soooooo tempting to say, oh, if i had a New Man in my life, it would be so much better. well, i have to look that lie right in the face and say wait a minute Sis, that's just looking outside yourself for a solution or a scapegoat. it's an avoidance tactic. if i can't be happy All By Myself, then adding another person will only multiply my misery.

seen it happen too many times to doubt that truth.

so, i'm gritting my teeth and sticking to my lonely guns. thank goodness for animals!

*High-Functioning, Moody, Depressed, Middle-Aged Woman.


At 4/20/08, 7:03 AM, Blogger kath said...

If you ever need someone to rant to, give me a call. I am a good listener! I feel your pain and have been in that vortex myself at times.

I think of you often and send positive thoughts and energy your way..

You are a good and loving woman.
Life just throws us a lot of curves, but you know why it does. Carry on, hang in and take care.


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