om mani padme hum

the lotus flower, one of the most beautiful blooms on earth, has at its source a quagmire of slime and muck.

this is apropos of how i feel today.

i found out yesterday that 2 aquaintances of mine decided to end their own lives--separately, mind you; at least they didn't confer and purposefully decide to double-whammy anyone who happened to know both of them.

one put a hose from his exhaust pipe into his car window at a rest stop in oregon.

the other one was a lot messier about it and left himself for his girlfriend to find on valentine's day.

goodbye and blessings to larry (also known as la-la) and larkin.

i'd like to believe that at any given time, any one of us human beans is doing our level best to stretch upwards towards the light.

news like this makes me realize that sometimes a person's best just isn't very good.

on the other hand, news like this also makes me realize that i'm darned proud of my accomplishments, and also of the fact that i am still here, crawling through the slime and muck of my own humble beginnings. and you know what? maybe there's a bud forming. maybe there's a flowering in my near future.

so, if you are "topside" today and reading this, take a moment to thank yourself and honor yourself for getting through the tough times.

you may not be perfect, but you're still here, trying to bloom. and that is worth a lot more than you might believe.

goddess bless.