the aftermath

hi all. it's tuesday and has been raining softly for most of today. yesterday was cloudy with small breaks for the sun. it's been a perfect background for my mood, which has been misty with sunny moments, too.

yesterday was extreme, and i knew it would be, so i took the day off to wallow and rebound. it was a wise move. i was exhausted emotionally and drained physically, so having some down time was most excellent. today i'm feeling better although still quiet inside, processing what i/we've been through in the past weeks.

how can i hold so many emotions simultaneously? i feel sad, but then again also a little relieved that the next phase has begun. 3 months is a long time for a date--and i am an intensely private person (in person, that is--here online i seem to go on a bit!). and we did so well. i miss him so much!

the sight of the empty closet--the wall hooks at the foot of the bed that were "his" are empty--the dogs are looking sort of bereft too.

we're all adjusting.

it's good that he is going home--to see his older son, to continue to appeal for visitation/partial custody of his younger son, to move into whatever new space he has waiting for him, to begin work at a steady schedule on only one bridge this year (vs. being vacation relief and covering different shifts on different bridges all the time)....his next steps are all waiting for him to return.

his friends, his new life. he is blossoming in so many ways. i am happy to be a part of that fulfillment, and at the same time i know that he has changed me as well.