November pity party

Just got chilly a couple of days ago.  It's been an awesome, long, unusually moist decline into the autumn coolth.

I'm posting because i need to complain and there is no one else.

I'm so fucking tired of just barely scraping by. My life feels broken in almost every aspect. Money is so tight, always. Been single so long that i've forgotten how to kiss. I never go out because going out costs, gas and money, and i have a computer (thanks be) so can stay entertained/educated with that. But i'll be 59 this year and i have no retirement fund, no savings, no insurance. I've been renting the same little falling-apart house for 10 years come Christmas. I can't save anything because living takes every bit of my income every single month.

I do have a quarter jar. It might have $400 in it.

I have to admit that i always thought i'd end up with a partner who'd help out. At this point i can't believe that's going to happen any more.

I am alone, withdrawn, afraid, depressed. But you'd never know it if you came to see me professionally.  That's scary, too: the chasm that exists between the professional "me" and the private "me." My clients think i'm amazing. Ha.