TazTales....

early morning

2012-01-19T07:35:00.002-07:00

it's actually 7:40, which isn't early at all, but it's Winter so i give myself permission to sleep in when possible. :)

sweetie is still asleep and i'm enjoying the quiet of this special time of day. we have plans to gardenize the yard today....flowers and some veggies. we have been house hunting, but for the time being it's on the back burner, so making the current abode more enticing seems to be the plan.

we have a house guest of sorts who's inhabiting the motor home in the driveway and i noticed that they put a flower pot of Swiss chard on the south-facing bumper. stuff like that makes my heart smile. i have never been much of a gardener and i admire that trait in others. i tend to over-complicate the whole thing, when it can be as simple as one or two plants in small containers.

we've been poking around local nurseries for the past couple of days, and bought our seeds at a small one close to home. the proprietor had bok choy in pots for sale and admitted to pruning them daily to add freshness to his ramen noodles. i wondered to myself if he might live on the property, and realized once more that life can be small and simple, even in a city of a million.

it's encouraging to feel the days lengthening, the temps rising, and the sunshine growing stronger. we don't have much of a Winter here, and after a quarter-century in Arizona i fear i have lost all capacity for truly inclement weather. a few days of cloud cover and i'm in the grumpy zone! so in this brief resting period that we laughingly refer to as "Winter" it is good to rest and take stock, plan a little garden and lay seeds in the soil.

may we all plant seeds of peace and lovingkindness in our hearts during this fallow time as well, that they may grow and bloom riotously with the coming Spring!

inspiration from mississippi

2012-01-15T08:27:00.006-07:00

i am so happy to have the new laptop, and 2 days ago my techie came over and transferred my documents and emails from the old hard drive. i owe him a lot of massages!
i spent 2 days organizing the information and now feel pretty complete with this little box in my lap!
i have a friend who blogs almost daily and i was reading that blog this morning. it's not too much to just put a few words down every couple of days. funny, all the people i met through blogging 7 years ago have moved on out of my life. interesting, no?
i finally found a place to stay put and watch the parade go by. it would be nice to be owning or buying a house instead of continuing to rent this little casita, but my appraiser friend says Don't Buy Anything Now, and he knows more about it than i do.
we (sweetie and i) continue to look at homes online, and very occasionally feel impelled to do an actual drive-by-look-see, but haven't seen anything to really pull us out of here.
t'would take quite a bit of pulling! i have dug in here in a big way in 6 years. moving the travel trailer will be the biggest challenge. and heck, cleaning out the office is proving to be almost insurmountable! too. much. stuff!

winter morning

2012-01-14T10:36:00.003-07:00

i had something to say, but couldn't sign into my blogspot page! so, 15 frustrating minutes later, i'm here and have completely forgotten what i was going to say. but since i managed to figure out how to sign on (finally), i felt compelled to post *something*. ha ha ha. :)

i'll come back if i remember what i was going to say.

4:00 a.m. prayer

2012-01-07T04:04:00.003-07:00

in the deep stillness of this night, the neighbor lady's dogs are quiet, there are no sirens. my sweetie breathes deeply, quietly. the ticking of the clock in the kitchen echoes comfortingly. i was awake for no particular reason after the bathroom visit....really awake, and aware that this peaceful lull of activity is the most perfect time to bless the entire dear planet.

i try to use these little breaks for silent and sincere gratitude. so i got up, fixed a cup of lemon ginger tea (heavy on the honey please) and repaired to the living room couch, where dogs stretched and groaned and made room for me beside them. i have a laptop now, so much easier to use than the desktop model that gave up the ghost on christmas eve.

i have felt a sense of anticipation, almost prescience, over the last several months. deep currents of something are stirring and moving in the subterranean vaults of the collective unconscious. the wild gyrations of cultures and people and economies and all that is just the surface expression of this deeper, more silent motion. and i can't say any more about it, just that i'm trying to be ready for whatever happens, trying to seed gentleness and compassion and acceptance and grace into this new ground of consciousness.

changes are coming. may they become the culmination of all the best our shared human nature can offer.

2012

2012-01-03T08:37:00.003-07:00

i see that i have a very few readers these days. not sure what happened to the Blogosphere, except that some stopped, some moved, some limited their access (i'm talking to you, TaraDharma!). all things change and evolve.

in that light i am consciously setting my thoughts, words and deeds to inner change and evolution for the betterment of my world. all thoughts carry a vibration....vibrations ripple out and continue into the atmosphere....well you get the idea. positive vibrations, yeah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEsI-XrZRJY&feature=fvwrel

thanks to my teachers (and Bob Marley was definitely one of them)!

giving thanks on Christmas

2011-12-25T09:54:00.002-07:00

thanks for family, sweetheart, friends, animals.

thanks for enough to eat, a warm home, and work that i love.

thanks for peace in my country.

thanks for 40 degrees on Christmas morning!

get up!

2011-09-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

Via: Medical Billing And Coding

into the 4th month

2011-09-05T15:05:00.003-07:00

i no longer live alone....the dogs and kitty think he's great....and the inner Bitch has come out to try one last time to push him away because she KNOWS she is inherently unlovable!

boy howdy, it's soooo predictable--but so far, so good. the guy can stay with it and not engage....won't be baited....and is very, very patient.

i am thankful as always for the lessons and i swear each time gets easier, and less Bitchy, but wow the things that i have buried under my surface alternately amaze and repulse me. gotta love every bit into the light....

end of August

2011-08-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

i'm in love
we're living together effortlessly
giving thanks and giving back

Tucson Rocks

2011-05-05T22:49:00.001-07:00

And Mitzi Cowell is one of the rockingest parts!

Got my mojo working and all is well....

EXHALE

2011-04-16T09:52:00.002-07:00

The office move is over,

The wedding is over,

The family-in-town is over,

The worrying over money to cover the rehearsal dinner and wedding costs is over,

And i'm finding my new rhythms more each day.

BUT I GOTTA FIND MY MOJO!

April 9th, 2011

2011-04-07T07:26:00.003-07:00

My son and his beloved are getting married in 2 days, at one of the grandest venues in Tucson. My family starts arriving today and it will be a really big show, guaranteed.

2 friends that i invited aren't coming, and there are some shifts in the friendships over this. Suffice it to say that i'm feeling a lot of stuff!

My relationship with my son is complex. I only asked 3 friends since the guest list was so limited, and now i'm down to one who will actually show up. I'm pissed, hurt, frustrated, angry and guilty. If i had known these 2 wouldn't come, i'd (obviously) have invited other friends, but am told that it's too late to make any changes in the guest list.

So, this is my only son--my only child. My family members will be here. It's all about 'family', and 2 of my friends no longer include themselves in this category. That's what burns the saddest for me.

In the meantime i am planning to have the wonder-fullest weekend possible. It's always a mixed bag, isn't it?

Blessings.

Eagle Cam 2011

2011-04-05T08:01:00.001-07:00

Live Video streaming by Ustream

too true to make up

2011-03-08T22:39:00.002-07:00

I just now had the opportunity to say a sentence to someone on the phone that continues to reverberate:

"Who else can you call at 10:30 at night to ask about bloodletting?"

You can't make stuff like this up. Just sayin'.

the mother wound

2011-03-06T20:03:00.004-07:00

I attended my 5th memorial service in 10 months on Friday. Unlike the previous 4, this one was for a woman who had 2 daughters. I didn't know Vicki well, but she was the long-time gf of a male buddy of mine, and i went in support of him. (2 of those previous five services were for men, one was for a young woman friend of my son's, and the other one was for a childless colleague in her 40s).

Just seeing those 2 young women--Vicki's daughters--crying their eyes out triggered my own motherlessness, my Mother Wound. I was 11 when she died, and in the light of all the marriage preparations underway (my son will wed in April), i am fiercely missing having had a mother for the bulk of my life. It has bound me in ways that i am still discovering. Then on Saturday I had an unfortunate blow up with a girlfriend that gave me bad dreams and desperate fears of abandonment. The Mother Wound again.

My relationships with women are few. I relate much more easily with men, partly because by the time i was born, my mother was clinically depressed and my upbringing was pretty much left to my dad. I was surely a Daddy's Girl. His relentless foul temper was somehow more negotiable than the perennial blues of my mom.

And to add to the morass, my old lady-dog is readying for departure. Many times i fantasized that my mother had reincarnated in Sun Bear, and facing her imminent death is more difficult than i could have imagined.

So, it's all taking lots of deep breathing, lots of tears, lots of hugs from my community. I acknowledge with humility the great blessings of my life--the basic needs that are met, the sweetness of sharing my raw emotions in the sacred space of the weekly sweat-lodge, the genuine concern and helpfulness of my peers. The freedom to allow my tears to flow freely is the best balm of all. I am so grateful.

I know plenty of folks who are dealing with another type of Mother Wound altogether--that of watching a mother decline in health, mental and/or physical. The excruciating choices of "retirement home" vs. "home care" vs. "move mom into our home". I can't even picture how much more devastating these kinds of scenarios are. So i don't wish for anything different--just ask for clarity and steadfastness as i continue to negotiate my path through this dharma.

Becoming my best self

2011-03-05T08:38:00.004-07:00

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!
My new affirmation/intention: "I am athletic and confident."
My mood has been draggin' and my ass has followed. "Free your ass, and your mind will follow!"
Wish me luck.
With all the turmoil in the world today, this may seem overly self-serving and indulgent. All i can say is, the better i am within myself, the more i can offer the world. And that's going to become ever more important.
So:
I
Am
Athletic
And
Confident
!!!!!!

Memorials

2011-03-04T07:36:00.003-07:00

I'm going to yet another memorial service this morning. Blessings to Vicki in her new raiment of light.

Y'ALL LOVE EACH OTHER, 'K?

End of February already?

2011-02-27T16:48:00.004-07:00

Folks, it just hasn't quit lately! However, i got a lovely Jin Shin Jyutsu treatment this morning and was able to change my tears into laughter while on the table. That's the sign of a good session!

I must leave my office space that i have loved so well for the past 4 1/2 years. And for 2 weeks i have gotten more and more anxious about finding a place to continue to do the work i was born to do. A couple of friends suggested i think about going to work for Canyon Ranch, which idea i simply can't wrap my brain around. I love what i do and how i do it. I am not in the mood to change my style (i know already they would call my touch "too sensuous") or my timing--it's important to be able to go a few minutes over schedule if need be.

So, several of us from the old office seem to have found a new home in a small office complex not too far from the old one. It's a step down in the "gorgeous" category, but will be quite comfortable and functional once we get some new paint and fixtures up. Plus, the landlord is making a super sweet rental deal if we sign a year's lease, so maybe i can get some $ put towards the credit debt. That is my intention at least.

I spent some time today looking up old blogger buddies and found that many of them have retired their blogs. I got kidnapped by Facebook and must admit that it still shines brightly, but more with locals than with the wider audience i used to connect with here on these "pages".

I did re-find Ms. Magz, now in NM--Annie's Cozy Shack seems to be headed for an island life--Lightfeather is now an author! Sweet! Also checked in with Ms. Loner, who is not quite so solitary these days. :)

I used to write a lot about the animals, so here is the update....Sun Bear is getting ready to walk the Rainbow Bridge as she approaches her 16th birthday (April 11). She is pretty much deaf and blind, and nowadays pretty confused about who i might be....Angus is still the ham and clown and loyal ball fetcher....Sam is curled in my lap right now, big and luxuriously soft and warm....Pearl, the newest addition (3 years old, yellow lab/bull) is sweet and goofy and still puppyish at times.

NO romance to speak of. And i mind less and less.

Me, i'm still dodging the big chunks and grateful for all the blessings i enjoy daily.

mebbe....

2011-02-16T09:20:00.001-07:00

....i don't really WANT to be partnered. just sayin'.

i sure do enjoy the freedoms that come with living alone. just sayin'.

and while the pleasures of the flesh still sound their siren song, and the ideal of romantic love still appeals; the longer i'm here, the better i feel just being my own cantankerous self, by my own cantankerous self.

just sayin'.

happy V.D.!

2011-02-12T09:38:00.002-07:00

(old joke....)

some thirty odd years ago, i made a big heart shaped cake for my Mississippi bf, Steve--or Teeb, as i affectionately called him.

if you bake a layer cake recipe in one 8" round and one 8" square pan, you can make a big heart if you cut the round layer in half and place one half on each of 2 adjoining sides of the square layer.

i frosted it in pink, and added this in big red letters:

Happy
V.D.

somewhere in the archives i have a picture of him holding it.

aww, what a sweet memory! :)

hope all y'all have a happy.

SS, DD?

2011-01-26T09:34:00.002-07:00

or is it NY, MS? (New Year, More Shit)

i am not in any way trying to be a downer person, but i have been overwhelmed by the tide of calamities that has occurred in my life and the lives of those close to me.

when someone asks me how i'm doing these days, my standard reply is, "Dodging the big chunks, most of the time." i used to say, "Mostly good!"

at any rate, i hold to the conviction that sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. just wondering exactly when the turn-around is going to manifest. sigh.

as usual, my friends and furbies help buoy me daily. i have much to be thankful for, and i know it.

End of November already?!

2010-11-27T08:53:00.002-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving one and all.

Another friend, J., flew away home about 2 weeks ago. He had a lot of liver issues, so it wasn't as traumatically shocking as the sudden heart attack death of P. in May. But still even though we all knew J. was dying, no one knew for sure when it would happen.

I had company for 2 weeks in the form of the nice motorcyclist from Montana. It was a busy time. Still recovering emotionally from it all.

In the meantime, i am truly thankful for the myriad blessings of my life--family, friends, satisfying work, dear animal companions; excellent health; food, clothing and shelter. The basics are all in place, and "the basics" is what so many people on this planet lack. So, in giving thanks for my abundance, i share the intention that such prosperity is becoming available for all beings in need.

I ask for each person reading this to send a prayer of Light that surrounds our Mother Earth and touches every single life with a graceful gesture of beneficence. Thank you.

September already?!?!?

2010-09-18T07:22:00.004-07:00

well, so it is. i'm amazed at the progression of time. i joined a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) with my trainer--we are splitting a share--and have been awash in fresh produce for 3 weeks now! also i have suddenly gotten very into making granola/bars for some reason (maybe because i just got a gallon of shredded coconut from the coconut oil people at Tropical Traditions). so, there is a lot of cooking going on at my house.

all animals and self are doing well. nothing to report in the romance department! maybe that is a good thing. lol.

lunch date

2010-08-05T23:03:00.002-07:00

with the man most recently of the hour....wistful but ok. he misses me. i kinda miss him. oh well.

onward, onward

2010-07-17T07:41:00.002-07:00

so, be, it!

the quicker i get to thankfulness and gratitude, the quicker i get the goodies from the experience. we all know about the benefit of hindsight to show us that events in our past, that looked like disasters, often kindled new growth and benefits that were masked by the sorrow or anguish or anger of the moment, right?

so why not get to the good stuff sooner by being grateful for all experiences, no matter how they appear at first?

i am thankful that i got to be in a short relationship that taught me i've learned some lessons about relating intimately with another, and still have some lessons to learn. i showed up with an open heart and did my best. my friend did the same and hopefully learned some lessons of his own.

quitting now means we might be able to remain friends, after the cooling down period anyway.

sigh. sigh. sigh.

3 months later....

2010-07-14T10:33:00.003-07:00

....i've been handed my "freedom" (although freedom from/for/to do exactly WHAT, i'm still not sure).

suffice it to say that i have the choice of reacting with fear or love.

as always.

hot summer nights

2010-06-27T15:44:00.003-07:00

hey all one of my regular readers!

woo hoo, summer is here. (dear lightfeather, you know of what i speak!)

the feller is still with me, i'm still with him, we keep showing up and enjoying each other. it's going on 3 whole months now.

we are finding the proper rhythm and distance from which to relate. there are whole days in which we don't speak, and i've stopped freaking out about it....and on further pondering, i realize that what i know how to do with relationships is drive them into a wall at high speed. have done that time and time again and still wonder why things don't work out!

so, driving leisurely this time is just fine. enjoying the view.

all in a week's time!

2010-04-16T18:40:00.001-07:00

suddenly and totally unexpectedly, am completely enmeshed in yet another romance; geez, this has certainly been a busy Spring for me!

details? naw, not yet. wait for it.

8^D

why is it

2010-04-12T13:10:00.003-07:00

that as soon as i decide i'm moving on, one or the other of my most recent dead ends reconnects?

just got a very kind and long email from the Mexican Romance who is back home after being on the road for ~3 months. he asked me to call him, and i had to email him back that i'd deleted his phone number (and eddress, and FaceBook info) from my life so that i could restrain myself from contacting him. so, he called me and we are trying to figure out the middle ground between 'never speaking again' and 'getting married'. i assured him that i understand and respect his boundaries, and he apologized for leaving me in the dust without a word (sic).

not sure what will happen here, but at least i don't feel completely nuts anymore. we DID have a good connection, beyond the obvious thrills. and i AM an amazingly understanding woman with a lot to offer.

a month later,

2010-04-03T18:27:00.005-07:00

i keep imagining he'll call or email, and it's just idiotic.

he is not calling. it was over after that first week of March.

i am a slow learner about some things; and i must say, i spend way more time worrying about, 'Why Didn't He Pick Me?' than i do about, 'Would I Have Picked Him?'

unfortunately, i get totally overwhelmed if the physical thing clicks, because i am so picky in that department. it clicked all right, but there are other important parameters that i tend to ignore until it's too late.

so, all in all, it was a perfect Booty Call.

luscious, incredible, mutual, super-wonderful physical fun for a week, and now he's gone. i will not bump into him at Trader Joe's, for example, with his latest booty call on his arm.

he is out there exploring the wide world--doing at 49 what i did for much of my 20's and 30's. bless his little pea-pickin' heart.

and should he remember me, let him do so with a smile on his lips for the fun adventures we shared!

all is well

2010-03-14T09:48:00.001-07:00

in my world.

bless the earth, love each other.

bye for now.

a week or so later....

2010-03-10T07:34:00.001-07:00

....the missing him is intense, but the wonder of our visit was worth whatever stretching pains i'm feeling now!

we had an amazing week + together. our first date was 4 days long, our second was 9 days. and, there are no plans for a third....yet.

how to hold with an open hand?

he's coming Saturday....

2010-02-25T12:12:00.002-07:00

i am so darn excited. what can i say; it's intoxicating "a.n.t.i.c.i.P.A.t.i.o.n" (thanks to Dr. Frankenfurter)!

this is my first Thursday off since my return from Mexico--the last 2 i had to work. needless to say i'm cleaning the house with great verve today. might get halfway done today, and finish up on Saturday morning. the couch-mate has a new place to land and will be out Saturday....i'm feeling more empowered since Monday.

ready to blast off, oh joy!

raining here too

2010-02-22T18:43:00.003-07:00

amazingly enough....rain has persisted through several days since my return to Tucson. chilly some days, sunny on others....but rain rain rain, beautiful mud, wet doggies in the house. we should have an amazing crop of wildflowers this spring!

the Mexican romance is Tucson-bound and i'm getting excited--hope he will be here in time to enjoy the coming full moon. also hope the magical connection we both felt is intact. we have emailed a little, but his access to Internet service is spotty at best. so far, so good. fingers crossed!

today i took my courage in both hands and told driveway-mate that i wanted my house and space back to myself. i also told couch-mate the same thing. they both have until May to find new digs.

it has been wonderful to help both of these folks but i have reached the end of my ability to do so. remember, i have a super tiny house, and having these other people here (not to mention their attendant *stuff*) has been crowding my solitude. guess i need more than the average person--and Taza, that's fine.

today is also my son's 26th birthday. leaving in a moment to go to his house for dinner. sweet!

home again

2010-02-08T19:57:00.005-07:00

well, the rains came and the rains stayed for 3 days. drenching downpours during the evening and night time, intermittent showers during the day. so that was a bit of a hassle, camping in the wet and all, but then again it was tropical rain so it was not really cold, just darn damp everywhere.

Sunday was the San Blas trip. Monday was the waterfall trip that i opted out of. Tuesday the rains came and stayed until Thursday, but we persevered in our excursions regardless. they were a little less enjoyable because of the weather, but we had fun anyway. we went to a coffee processing plant nearby and the way the coffee is treated is astonishingly different than the way Capulin is produced.

on Wednesday we went on a river tour of some of the nearby mangrove swamps. half an hour out the heavens opened and we were all completely drenched. that night i stayed in the hotel Casa Manana which was about 8 miles from Daniel's village and where some of the group had rooms, so there were extra beds available for those of us who wanted a hot shower and a place to crash. the group was a very fun bunch of folks, so we had fun drinking beer and eating more awesome seafood and walking on the rocky beach.

i met a very nice man at San Blas and we had us a little Mexican romance! wow, what an unexpected surprise, and how very fun it was. he was on a motorcycle trip and intersected with our group, got interested and ended up joining us. we had a nice spark from the start, and he is changing his itinerary so that he can come up through Tucson to see me again when he's done touring. it's quite amazing really, and i'm just rolling with it.

the bus ride back was 25 hours long, so last night i was toasted. back to work today. the rest of the week is busy with as much work as i can do, as i took this trip on financial fumes and made it back home with $18 left. so, the bills need to get paid, and i'm back to the grindstone, but gosh i have wonderful memories of Mexico and wonderful anticipation of Mark's visit in the next couple of weeks. i'd say i'm one lucky woman!

ohhhh, Mexico....

2010-02-01T11:47:00.002-07:00

Tecuitata, Nayarit, Mexico....tiny village, funky paradise, beautiful jungle, beach within 5 miles (OK, maybe 10?). there are about 20 people attending EcoArc2010. 6 from Tucson, several from Iowa and some from Canada, ¿ where else ? oh yeah, Tennessee!

i am camping in Daniel and Marta´s backyard but other folks are staying right here in the village, rooming with residents; and still others are at Casa Mañana (this is a Spanish keyboard, has the ´ny´key and the upside down question mark!) which is a sweet hotel right on the Pacific. awesome. food has been amazing, mindblowing, fresh made and endless amounts of it. fruit out the wazoo--am particularly taken with a local variety called jackfruit which tastes as much like Juicyfruit gum as anything i´ve ever eaten.

mango trees everywhere, along with jackfruit and avocado and papaya and guava trees....abundance in the heart of the Mother....tranquil temps, mildly humid, rain yesterday and sun today.

yesterday a group of us hired a van and went to San Blas for a bird festival, which we missed due to being late, but vendors were still set up so i bought some Huichol beaded earrings. we all walked to the beach, sat in a beachside restaurant and had cervezas and fresh seafood (tostadas ceviche de pescado for me), then walked back into town and the same van came to get us. today most everyone went to the waterfall, but i am mindful of my knee and wanted a crowd-free day, so stayed ´home´with a couple others who seem to be similarly enjoying some solitude.

this morning i went up to the plaza with Daniel´s son Ryan and raked coffee cherries into drying piles. yesterday´s rain meant that all the cherries were covered over with tarps to prevent their getting wet. there are coffee trees all over the place too--my tent is pitched under several of them. the fruit is mildly sweet, a little pulpy, and there is a faint coffee vibe that one gets because what we call the beans are the pits. Daniel´s coffee is hand picked and fully dried so the sweetness of the fruit permeates the beans. OK i sound like an ad for Capulin but my goodness, to see the operation in person makes me more proud to be a part of the effort!

www.capulin.com just in case you want to find out more. anyway, might not have another chance to check in, but wowee zowee this is really something!

2 days and counting!

2010-01-27T19:37:00.005-07:00

i'm getting excited! changed $40 into 480 pesos this afternoon--funny money! tomorrow is a day off in which i do banking, buy last minute supplies, and attempt to pack for an unknown but tropical adventure.

weirdness w/the guy; am so happy i opted for Plan B which is to take the bus w/friends. no matter how honestly i try to express myself--being as clear and lucid as i can be, which is 'quite'--what is heard bears little resemblance to what i've tried to say. it is completely exhausting!--and i find myself wishing he'd just go back to Mexico and become a beach bum, which seems to be his main goal.

he is back in Tucson unexpectedly--didn't tell me he was coming--called at 8:30 last night to see if he could come over! clueless, and not about to shift.

Archimedes said, Give me a place to stand and i could move the world, but this guy refutes that statement. ha!

i feel fit and ready. for whatever.

:)

one week and counting!

2010-01-23T08:41:00.006-07:00

OK, so the guy (sort-of-in-my-life guy) ain't going, but we are still talking. he's staying put in Tastiota (Sonora, Mexico) until he knows what is happening with the property there. it's too long of a story to go into now.

so: i'm getting on a bus, in a week, with 4 friends, to ride 22 hours south into the Mexican state of Nayarit. i'm going to be pretty broke as it will take every last cent i can earn in the next week to pay rent ahead and pay some bills that come due while i'm going to be gone. i am totally positive that all of it will work out wonderfully and that it will be a great adventure!

my friend J. is camping on my couch again; he and his gf broke up and he is jobless, carless, homeless--but not friendless. the blessing here is that he balances the seesaw of my ongoing frustration/compassion with the driveway roommate--and gives me the vent i need to discuss that situation w/o going nuts. she needs a lot of care; she is frail, and prone to feel abandonment/rejection when none is intended. plus she is just not connected to reality in a very meaningful or grounded way. i feel relieved that J. will be here while i am gone, as he will care for animals and property with more conscientiousness than K. is capable of. (i am not being disparaging, just speaking truth--which she usually interprets as judgment and rejection, provoking a host of defensive and hostile responses.) what a great teacher she is; how much i still have to learn. i give thanks for J.'s presence to assist me while i assist him.

the wrenching details

2010-01-19T10:14:00.002-07:00

so, the guy can't come to Mexico, because he is already in Mexico, but where he is is not where we were planning to go, but so what, i'm going anyway with several Tucson friends, and will have a spectacular time, so there!

:)

(and he sez i'm still his sweetie. nice touch with the wrench, there. ha.)

monkey wrenches

2010-01-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

i just have to look at what the wrench is saying. how's that for a mixed metaphor?

prayers to Haiti

2010-01-14T08:42:00.002-07:00

http://www.mercycorps.org/

you can go here to contribute to the Haitian relief effort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i had strange dreams last night; so did the friend occupying the couch, haven't checked with the housemate yet. energy is movin' quick. change is in the air. death, destruction, transformation, rebirth. the endless cycle of samsara turns, turns, turns.

i miss J. terrifically. this 'relationship' is not progressing along recognizable routes, so i'm stymied as to its significance. but as Ben Franklin said, you can't expect different results from the same old methods. (i'm paraphrasing.)

i release my will, that Thy Will Be Done.

Mexico here i come!

2010-01-13T14:10:00.001-07:00

planning a trip to Tepic at the end of the month.

will hopefully connect with the man (sort-of-in-my-life guy) in Hermosillo.

this is news! i haven't had a vacation in years! wish me luck!

:)

end of the year

2009-12-28T13:19:00.002-07:00

wow,
another year gone:
seems incredible.

update on me:

photodynamic therapy 2 days before Christmas means i have the appearance of a burn victim, but the new skin underneath is healthier than the layer that is peeling off.

there's a man in my life, sort of.

i still have a housemate.

i love my dogs.

i love my son.

i am thankful for family, friends, and all the blessings of my life.

PEACE BE WITH YOU NOW AND ALL WAYS!

more owl medicine

2009-09-29T15:09:00.009-07:00

well....

on a recent walk--10 days ago, maybe--to the Rillito with a friend, we passed by the place i'd found the owl feather mentioned last post. my friend looked UP, into the branches of the cottonwood tree, and there HE was--a great horned owl. so impressive, so impassive. so powerful.

2 days later, the same friend and i were in the arroyo again, and stopped at the same cottonwood tree. HE was there again, higher up but in a clearer space so i could see him better. we walked upriver to the next cottonwood tree, and barely 25 feet up, there SHE was. looking right into my eyes. holding my gaze for a long unbroken 5-10 seconds (which is a long time when being penetrated by owl eyes). then, a blink and another long eyes-half-open gaze....so catlike, eerily so. then her eyes closed. i felt pierced in my heart.

yesterday, another friend and i were driving back to my house after the dog walk. 2 blocks from my house, i saw a dead owl on the sidewalk. i made a u-turn and went back. my friend looked up (apparently i need help with this step) and saw an extended full wing on the high-power line. this young owl got electrocuted and the force of the jolt tore his left wing off.

his eyes were still half open, his body cool but not rigid. i had a red towel in the car, so i wrapped him up and took him home to my housemate, who has practice in the art of ceremonial raptor preparation. last night after sunset she took what was offered--wing and tail feathers, mostly, leaving the talons and head intact.

i took the remains to the Rillito today for burial. i faced him looking eastward, buried him in a shallow grave, said prayers, offered tobacco and herbal prayer blend. i cut my hand walking uphill to the site, and drops of my blood were buried with him.

walking back to the car, i stopped at the cottonwood trees (out of respect for the living owls, i took the young one far away to return him to the soil). HE was not in his tree, but SHE was in hers....and as i looked up, i saw she was already watching me approach. i stood just underneath her, thanked her for her little brother, thanked her for the gift of owl medicine for the last many many years. i wept and prayed and sprinkled tobacco again. i was trembling with....some kind of big emotion; a force moving deeply in my psyche.

she watched me until i was done, then closed her eyes and settled her head down into her neck.

it was hard to turn and walk away.

R.I.P. Ryan Jenkins

2009-08-24T12:52:00.009-07:00

here is an amazing story that i must put down somewhere besides my personal journal.

i had been grieving ever since finding out about Jasmine's death. in addition to praying for Jasmine's soul and her mother Spirit, i tried to find a space in my heart to pray for Ryan Jenkins, the man almost certainly responsible for her death and mutilation. i knew he was living in Hell, inside his own mind--and just kept hoping he would do the right thing, somehow.

yesterday, after an amazingly healing sweat lodge experience, i took my 3 dogs to the riverbed for a late afternoon walk. the eastern horizon was turbid with clouds, dark gray, and the wind had started to pick up. i stood on the bank of the riverbed (dry river of course), feeling the wind pushing into me, the strength and cool freshness in it. looking east, i saw a partial rainbow "leg", trying to form fully. there were several bright segments but gaps in between them. the part closest to the horizon appeared to be growing towards the upper segments, which over a short time joined together.

i felt very clearly that the separated part of that rainbow was Jasmine's spirit, returning to the One. there was a 2nd segment next to the bottom one that was also apart from the whole. i saw this part as Ryan. in that moment i somehow "knew" that he would not be found alive--that just his body would be found somewhere.

i watched and prayed for about 10 minutes, and saw the 2 separate pieces become one--then that larger, joined segment approached the much bigger portion that arced up and away. i prayed to Jasmine to just reach out and touch the bigger part, to reunite with the Whole Enchilada (lol) so that she could finally be healed and prepared for her next incarnation. as the rainbow leg completed itself i felt a gentle burst in my heart of joy and peace. i knew she had successfully crossed over. at last i could lay this to rest in my being.

i turned to see what the dogs were doing. 2 were playing, but the old one, Sun Bear, was just standing and trying, unsuccessfully, to scratch her belly with one of her hind legs. every time she'd start, she'd lose her balance, right herself, and start over. (aging sucks, even if you're a dog.)

i walked over to Sun Bear--who was about 15 feet away--and reached under her with both of my hands to give her a good scritchy session. i laid my head on her back, and gazed back, with a soft focus, to where i'd been standing.

from that odd point of view, i was able to see the owl wing feather planted in the sand, not 2 feet from where i'd been standing that whole time. it was waving at me in the wind, and i remained in that sideways position for quite awhile, not actually believing that i was seeing this perfect owl feather, standing quill-down in the wind, waiting for me to go claim it.

i stood up and actually looked around to see if i could catch the person, or spirit, who had dashed up and planted it there! how was it not blowing away?

the deckled edge of the wing feather--which is what gives owls their silent flight--was oh-so-barely attached to a little green scrub plant. that plant was holding the feather for me.

it was a message from Jasmine--at least in my mind this is the unshakeable truth. she made it!

and then later on after dinner, i turned on the computer and found the headline on my Yahoo page: Reality TV Star Found in Hotel Room. they don't word it like that if the person is still alive. Ryan Jenkins indeed found justice, at the end of a rope.

R.I.P. Jasmine Fiore

2009-08-23T09:01:00.005-07:00

it's been a long time since i knew this girl, but know her i did....she was about 9, and my son was 6; i was running a riding stables and they often went riding together. her horse--a Morgan cross--was named Flashy Lad; my son had good old Amigo, a Welsh pony, for his trusty steed.

this was in the early 90's. my son is now 25, and Jasmine is now in the Heaven world, and i'm asking for prayers for her today. she was murdered a week ago, and the media is having a fine time plastering pix of her and her alleged killer (sordid details available on any news site) on the screen.

what can i say, except that i am grieving the seemingly inescapable pain of human relations, when in my heart i know it could be so different. is it irresponsible to disconnect from the media so that my tenderness is not constantly exploited and rubbed raw by the sensationalistic stories of 'man's inhumanity to man'?

i watched the new moon rising last night, the beautiful crescent hung atop the pink and blue clouds of a desert sunset. a hawk floated across the sky and my heart soared with the beauty of this world, in spite of us.

today's blogthing

2009-07-20T19:39:00.002-07:00

You Are an Ice Cream Sandwich

You are well grounded, reliable, and very balanced.

You love to work hard, but you also know how to take it easy.

People might be surprised to know you have a very goofy side to you.

You like to let loose and have fun. You just don't let yourself go too crazy!

What Frozen Treat Are You?

more and more

2009-06-29T08:39:00.004-07:00

yesterday afternoon found out that a good friend is in the hospital, blown up like a pregnant lady. he has Hepatitis C (this was news to me!) and is having a liver biopsy today. they keep taking liters of fluid out of his stomach.

overall his attitude is calm--it was actually fun in the hospital room last night. there were 4 of us and we shared food and stories and Tucson histories....a small circle of friends.

so, prayers today for....a miracle? i don't even know what to ask for anymore.

grace, mostly. just grant me some grace to keep going on, helping where i can, with an open heart.

aftermath

2009-06-27T21:59:00.002-07:00

all is OK here, but i feel like i've been beaten with sticks (not that i'd know, actually)....

sturm und drang

2009-06-27T06:10:00.006-07:00

yesterday my housemate didn't emerge from her trailer by the time i went to work (unusual).

i got home for a lunch break around 3:00--her car was still here, but she was not around.

i went in her trailer to see what i could find out, and found a suicide note/will, dated 6/25/09. she apologized for ending it here; said she is tired and in pain; told me to give her drums away and keep the rest.

i stood in shock for a long time. went in my house and sat in shock. had no clue about the next step, so i started calling some friends.

no one answered their phone.

i had one last client for the day and simply decided to go back to work, do my best, and that somehow i would know what to do when i got back home.

it was, surprisingly enough, a good session. afterward i checked my phone messages--no one had called back.

so, at that point i just knew that i would be able to handle it all on my own. i planned to call 911 as soon as i got home.

pulled into the driveway and the chain had been taken off the gate, so *someone* was home.

she was here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and today is her birthday, so i got up at 5:30 to make a "happy birthday, i'm glad you're not dead" cake.

sheesh.

checking in

2009-06-23T07:16:00.002-07:00

it's been a hairy wild ride over the past couple of weeks....not sure why, but the global energies have been very turbulent and it seems as though i can feel more of them than ever.

i'm good at what i do because of my sensitivity....but apparently i need to install a few buffers or firewalls in my "on-board bio-computer" to minimize my reactivity to world events!

also, the saga of the Water Snake continues, although it's waning in intensity. but every time i think it's over, it's not; and every time i think it's moving forward, it doesn't. interesting to observe my reactions. also interesting to observe how attached i have become to someone who doesn't give very much. hmmmmm. now *there's* a pattern worth abandoning!

giving thanks for cool mornings, this time of year.

all my love, to all y'all!

all is well in my world

2009-05-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

regardless of the fact that it is so humanly imperfect

the blahs

2009-05-16T07:22:00.005-07:00

feeling mildly depressed....

the water snake is out of town for another 10 days or so....

i have a housemate (actually, a "yardmate" as she sleeps in her Toyota Dolphin, but uses my kitchen and bathroom) since my last birthday, mid-December, and it's starting to wear on me. she arrived broke and broken, and has more or less continued in that vein....

she's had 3 affairs since she's been here--none of which has worked out, even though she continues to hope for "The One" to arrive in her life. each one seems to take a little more out of her....

last week she told me i could have all her stuff if she decided to off herself. nice, huh? it was momentary, but it really rattled me....

oh, and it's been in the upper 90's-low 100's for the past week....

complain, complain, complain. the water snake sez: be thankful for everything. i'm actually thankful that he's out of town. gives me a little room to evaluate just how crazy i am for continuing to stay hooked by this slithering reptilian.

oh, i'm a bundle of effing joy this morning! sorry! but i needed to vent....

uh-oh

2009-04-12T09:03:00.002-07:00

bitten by water snake, fire monkey begins to sweat.

some things make more sense now.

ha!

Love and Death

2009-04-07T14:42:00.002-07:00

isn't that the name of a Woody Allen movie?

i have been having too much experience with both and i am ready to be deep-sixed into my old rut.

a long-time friend and client graduated last week--on April Fool's day, no less--and i've been in the happy/sad realm with that. thankfully he was ready to go--impatient even, once he got into hospice--and our last day together was a good one. i will miss our breakfasts and discussions though.

all hail Pete, king of curmudgeons!

the Love part isn't really worth going into, as i continue to dismiss the man from my life--each time meaning it a little more. haha. he is transient, secretive, and a Water Snake to boot. what are you gonna do?

Facebook stole me away from Blogger

2009-03-14T14:05:00.001-07:00

What can i say, the truth's the truth.

:(

ain't it da troot!

2009-02-16T08:51:00.002-07:00

One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,"I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr.Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

D. Lama, B. Obama

2009-01-16T07:12:00.004-07:00

just say the post title out loud without the commas....

'nuff said!

the Luscher Color Test blogthing

2008-12-27T21:16:00.005-07:00

Your Colors Say You Are Quirky

When you are at peace, you are:
Giving and unselfish

When you are moved to act, you are:
Unorthodox and idealistic

When you are inspired, you are:
Creative and productive

When your life is perfectly balanced, you are: Connected to nature and the world

Your life's purpose is:
To change the world

The Ultimate Color Test

(For more on the Luscher Color Test, click HERE! We had a copy of that book hanging around our house in the early 1970's. I did the Color Test over and over as a young adolescent. It is a surprisingly quick and accurate gauge for one's mood at the time of the test.)

Insight from the Dalai Lama, 12/25/08

2008-12-25T08:53:00.002-07:00

"Faith dispels doubt and hesitation, it liberates you from suffering, and delivers you to the city of peace and happiness. It is faith that removes the mental turbidity and makes your mind clear. Faith reduces your pride and is the root of veneration. It is the supreme lake because you can easily traverse from one stage of the spiritual path to another. It is like your hand, which can gather all the virtuous qualities."

happy Christmas Eve to all

2008-12-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

something a bit more pithy about Solstice

2008-12-22T07:34:00.002-07:00

Dear Friend,

In honor of the solstice today, may you benefit from these words.

Rhythm of the Earth - Yule

As autumn yields to Winter's reign,
the Earth returns to sleep again.
The days grow short, the North Wind blows,
it nips our noses, chills our toes.
We seek the warmth & crave the Light,
the glow of candles brighten the night.
And though these are the darkest days,
the Solstice Sun's returning rays
bring promise of Spring's rebirth,
the joyous waking of the Earth.

Tomorrow, (Sunday) is the Winter Solstice (December 21 @ 7:04 AM EST), a time for us to reconnect with the returning power of the Sun and to reconnect with the Earth. This is a time when we can join with traditional people and cultures around the planet to help bring harmony and balance into the world and into our lives.

By honoring our connection with the Sun and the Earth we honor the lives and efforts of all who help to hold the world in balance. One way we can do this is by altering the daily rhythm of our lives to create a space where we can express our intention, our vision of how the world could be.

Winter Solstice celebrates the longest night of the year and involves rituals of being born and re-born, of the renewal of hope and promise. This is the time of re-birth from darkness. Light comes from darkness, growth from barrenness and spring from the depths of winter. We are reborn to the experience of new be-ing when everything is understood and possible. We are here to bring light to the world.

The definition of Solstice means "standing still of the sun." It is when the Sun is truly returning bringing back warmth and life to the cold and barren Earth. At this moment of intense importance, Light is re-born.

To our ancient relations and the traditional cultures of today, this time of the year was and is crucial because their lives depended on the warmth and new growth promised at this time of year. This momentous occasion required due honor and observance or the sun might not come back.

Yule enables us to join in with the potential for rebirth and to be part of the cycle which is central to our existence. At the Equinoxes we feel balance and at the Solstices we feel the energy of change. At Mysterious Yule everything changes. Yule is a time for Earth energies. The silent earth waits for the return of the sun.

The beauty of the Old Ways is that it recognizes the interconnectedness of all existence. Yule is a time to understand, nurture and enjoy the special relationship that connects our modern holidays to our ancient and still vital traditions. Yule is an awakening and a thankfulness for our knowledge of and our connectedness to the Wheel of the Year.

Winter solstice marks a point of dramatic natural change on Earth. This is the most potent time of the year in terms of "being" surrounded by darkness and confusion, searching for the light. This all shifts on the day of the Winter Solstice when, although still surrounded by darkness and confusion, the light begins (slowly) to return. And as the Wheel of the year continues it's journey and the force of light increases, we can begin to see our path. May you feel the light around you grow and, through the single eye of spirit, may your energy become focused and effective.

Try and get outside and feel the return of the Sun filling your life with light, the power of the Earth grounding you beneath your feet, and the harmony of living a life of balance between them.

May the quiet of nature's slumber bring you peace and may the return of the Sun warm your heart.
May the Balance be restored.
May all beings be happy!

happy new year!

2008-12-21T17:59:00.001-07:00

solstice is new year's for me. i celebrate the return of the light!
many happy wishes to all for blessed celebrations of all types.

completely unbelievable

2008-12-03T09:15:00.003-07:00

Mom mistakes childbirth for diarrhea, flushes newborn

The Associated Press

Published: 11.25.2008

LONDON - A woman has told a British court she accidentally flushed her newborn down the toilet because she didn't realize she was giving birth.

Claire Jones says she knew she was pregnant from an affair with a colleague but thought the pain she suffered in the early hours of Dec. 28 was from diarrhea.

Jones told a coroner's court in Cardiff, Wales, on Monday that she only realized what had happened when she saw a foot in the toilet bowl.

She said she tried unsuccessfully to revive the baby and then put the body in the trunk of her car.

The corpse was found in Jones' vehicle after she was arrested. She was given a suspended sentence for concealing the baby's birth.

The coroner's court is investigating the circumstances of the baby's death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

who to pray for in this instance--
the soul of the flushed baby?
the rest of the life of this impossibly unconscious woman?
the ripples of misery i myself have caused by posting this insane story?
or '(d) all of the above?'

:(

a free Saturday!

2008-11-29T08:23:00.003-07:00

for the first time in recent history i have a free day today.

part of me is simply glad for time off, and another part is concerned about the frickin' bills....

gifts for clients and friends this year will be along the lines of scented votive candles in glass holders--nothing extravagant! in years past i have given to my siblings through Mercy Corps, Heifer International, and Oxfam International, all of which will arrange to deliver a sheep, or goat, or hive of bees, or flock of chickens to a family in need, far across the globe. (this year i am thinking about giving the money i would have spent on all 3 of them to the sister in Galveston. my other sister set up a bank account in Houston for donations.)

another great gift idea comes from Kiva. it's a group that helps fund entrepreneurs all over the world with loans from folks all over the world--the minimum loan is $25. i've only made one loan, but it was the last one before that person got all the money they needed to start, so that felt good!

personally....this is a hard time of year to be alone, so i am hugging my furbies a lot. i had a very involved dream last night featuring The Last Drunk Guy. it has been years since i dreamed about him.

after we finally broke up (1999) i dreamed about him a LOT. months later, i then found that if i thought about him during the day--say, saw a truck that looked like his--i would have a dream that night. but like i said, it's been a few years since he showed up in my dreamtime. it was a little disturbing to find that he is still enmeshed--even a little bit--in my psyche!

my heart feels frozen. i'm afraid to want more than solitude (albeit furry solitude) because relationships are so painful when they end.

thankful for....

2008-11-27T07:19:00.006-07:00

rain last night and this morning

the Dalai Lama (today's quote: "To deepen your gratitude toward all people, it is helpful to reflect on the unintended kindness of those who provide goods and services without necessarily knowing the names or faces of those whom they serve. In this life there are so many facilities we enjoy--nice buildings, roads, and so forth--that are produced by other people.")

my son (he arranged for us to volunteer at a church in South Tucson this morning at 10:00)

my animal family

friends and loved ones near and far

the love and trust (and business!) of my clientèle

Barak Obama (and the re-emergence of hope for this country and our future)

being alive here and now

YOU!!!!!

....sigh....

2008-11-26T11:13:00.001-07:00

(from the Organic Consumers Association e-update received in today's Inbox)

*Ten companies now control more than two-thirds of global proprietary seed sales.

*Ten companies now control almost 90% of agrochemical sales worldwide.

*Ten companies now account for three-quarters of industry revenues.

*The top ten pharmaceutical companies control 55% of the global drug market.

Source: ETC Group's new 48-page report, "Who Owns Nature?", released last week.

today's Blogthing

2008-11-19T17:36:00.002-07:00

You Are the Bow Pose

You are an open hearted person. You seek connections and make them easily.

You are naturally generous--especially with your love and your time.

You have a knack for thinking up interesting ideas. You are an inventor and a creator.

You approach everything in life with a relaxed attitude. You accept what you can't change.

What Yoga Pose Are You?

squeezing bees

2008-11-17T16:33:00.003-07:00

just grabbed the 2nd bee in 3 days, from the same sponge by my sink!

i pick up the sponge without looking, and suddenly i am holding a tiny fierce ember.

honeybees die when they sting. i cried the other night--not from the pain, but from the anguish of extinguishing that tiny life.

today i am just sad.

:(

couldn't help it!

2008-11-07T08:15:00.006-07:00

i'm positive this has been blogged WIDELY--but it is just such superb writing, and so perfectly expresses my sentiments, that i had to post it too.

Open Letter to Barack Obama from Alice Walker
Nov. 5, 2008

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people's enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, "hate the sin, but love the sinner." There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people's spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to "work with the enemy" internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

read this out loud--it stirs the soul!

2008-10-28T12:16:00.002-07:00

A PRAYER FOR THE ELECTIONS
by Patricia Diane Cota-Robles

http://eraofpeace.org

This is without a doubt the most important election we have experienced in generations. Let's join together, and pray for an outcome that will result in the very highest good for America and every man, woman and child abiding in this country.

A CALL FOR DIVINE GOVERNMENT

I AM, I AM, I AM.

I AM my I AM Presence, and I AM One with the I AM Presence of all Humanity.

I invoke the great Beings of Light associated with Divine Government to this planet, and I invoke the Beloved Ascended Masters guarding the evolutions of Earth.

Blessed Ones, blaze the Sacred Fires of God’s Perfect Will and Divine Illumination in, through and around every person involved with electing the government of the United States of America at national, state and local levels.

Blaze the Sacred Fires of God’s Will and Divine Illumination in, through and around the candidates, the electorate and the governmental officials associated with the elections in the United States of America.

Let them feel and tangibly experience the Power, Wisdom and Love Nature of our Father-Mother God flowing through them as they listen to their hearts, fulfill their responsibilities, elect their government, and vote on all issues before them.

SEAL this activity of Light within the Divine Balance of Power, Wisdom and Love, which is anchored in the hearts of all Humanity. Expand this Light daily and hourly a thousand times a thousandfold.

VICTORY IS OURS IN LOVE GOVERNING THIS PLANET! (Repeat three times)

And so it is, Beloved I AM.

Patricia Diane Cota-Robles
New Age Study of Humanity's Purpose
a 501 (c) 3 nonprofit educational organization

Website: http://eraofpeace.org

FAX: 520-751-2981;
Phone: 520-885-7909

New Age Study of Humanity's Purpose
PO Box 41883,
Tucson, Arizona 85717

This article is copyrighted, but you have my permission to share it through any medium as long as the proper credit line is included.

©2008 Patricia Diane Cota-Robles

The information in this monthly sharing is being given to Humanity by the Beings of Light in the Realms of Illumined Truth. The Divine Intent of these celestial sharings is to encourage, empower, uplift and inspire Humanity by allowing us to see the bigger picture during these wondrous but often challenging times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

chilling "October Surprise"

2008-10-08T12:42:00.004-07:00

(email from a friend)

This is almost unbelievable. Naomi Wolf is calling it right. (blind) Forward as you see fit.

Be afraid. There may not be an election. Sounds like Bush was given 100 Billion himself of unfettered funds in the bailout plan...

First, set the stage:

Source, 27 minutes of Naomi Wolf laying it all out:

http://www.prisonplanet.com/naomi-wolf-americans-are-facing-a-coup-as-of-this-morning-its-happened.html

Don't trust the left?

http://www.militarytimes.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1568518

Here is admission on the Military Times website that the 1st Brigade has been deployed on American soil for the purpose of "disaster management" and crowd control. The first military group ever trained with "non-lethal" weaponry (conveniently side-stepping the 300 deaths so far from tasers). Very telling are the comments from active duty military, identifying this as unconstitutional, and a very scary idea regardless. All of this was made legal in the Patriot Act.

Evidence?

Here is the testimony on CSPAN of Rep. Sherman, who testifies that the Congress was warned of consecutive 1000-point drops in the market and subsequent martial law if the bailout package was not passed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaG9d_4zij8

Everyone was wondering what the October Surprise was... I guess if you're Bush, if you can't win or steal an election, Katey bar the door.

autumn quiz

2008-10-07T10:51:00.004-07:00

Your Autumn Test Results

You are a dynamic, vibrant person. You aren't afraid to pursue your passions.

When you are happiest, you are calm. You appreciate tradition and family. You enjoy feeling cozy.

You prefer change to come slowly. You need a long transition period when your life changes.

You find hard work to be the most comforting thing in the world. You like the feeling of accomplishing something.

Your ideal day is spontaneous and surprising. You like to play things by ear, and you always end up doing something interesting.

You are very impatient. You spend more time waiting for something than actually enjoying it.

The Autumn Test

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
everyone here is doing fine. clients are cancelling, though, and paying bills is getting pretty squeaky. folks are freaking out and i can feel it even though i do not listen to the news, nor read the newspaper. i catch a little online, but try to stay away from most of it. the panic is building, and i can feel it out there.

i am being in the moment with nature. since i am not working very much, i am at home a lot, chilling with the dogs. it is really beautiful here right now! cool (only gets up to the 80's these days), sunny, gusty. i am riding my bike a lot more. life seems simple and if i can hear a bird or see a tree or feel the breeze, i just become saturated with that for that moment.

there is plenty of bad news to go around, so if i can spend a moment buoyed up by nature's beauty, well then, that's one more glorious moment in my life. my girlfriend A and i have been meeting in a nearby park to do QiGong a couple mornings a week. it's great to do outdoors.

i am also praying more than ever. every time i hear a siren i send a prayer to the folks in the emergency vehicle and also send a prayer to wherever they are going--a prayer for everyone. seems as though praying constantly is the best thing i can do for anybody, including myself. deepening my compassion. the world certainly needs it.

WWHHDLD?
("What Would His Holiness the Dalai Lama Do?")

News from Texas

2008-09-30T10:20:00.006-07:00

(the most recent email from my sister)

Dear ones --

Well, in some ways, it's worse than we feared -- much, much worse -- but in other ways, we were spared --

For example, all the work (fine art, photography, sculpture, ceramics, jewelry, paper files, main computers, etc.) that we were able to muscle up to the mezzanine is fine -- as, in fact, is the mezzanine and everything else that was up there (our bed/sitting room, much of our own personal artwork, all our shoes and clothing, bureaus [bureaux?], etc.

Still, as the picture shows, we had 6'+ of water in our space for at least 12 hours -- the water began rising before noon on the Friday of the Saturday morning (2 AM) that Ike hit -- we've learned that the exact center of the eye traveled north up 24th Street (we're between 21st & 22nd Streets) --

The mucking out process is dangerous, difficult, demoralizing work -- the mud that covers the floor (and every other remotely horizontal surface) is slippery as cat shit and smells about as good, a savory blend of sewage, sea water and dead things -- the flood waters have swollen everything, inexorably forcing joints open and creating structural failure of furniture pieces like bookcases and file cabinets -- you find yourself throwing out your own past -- saved letters, documents, records, photographs, what-have-you have become slippery, water-logged, heavy blocks to be discarded --and were it not for the smell and toxicity of the mold and mildew, the patterns are intricate and the colors gorgeous!

We still have no plan -- are still waiting for even a call back from our homeowners' insurance agent -- and, other than receiving their official mailing, have had no word from FEMA, either -- some days, trying to re-open the gallery in Houston holds appeal -- other days, trying to get something going again in Galveston seems to make more sense -- at least, financially -- and a general contractor with whom I've worked successfully on several projects has suggested forming a joint venture for the short term, which seems to hold some merit -- the irony is that Steve had just worked up an impressive spreadsheet to take to our banks showing that consolidating our debt with a credit line thrown in would create a win-win situation for both sides, and having us showing a modest profit even sooner than our projections -- oh, well --

For the time being, we're staying with friends in Houston -- Betsy & Mark J. -- whose 3-storey townhouse has a guest suite on the ground floor, complete with small kitchenette -- while their master suite is on the 3rd floor -- so far, it's working out, including the fact that they have 2 adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniels (Olive and Shaniya), who are as fascinated by seeing (only) our cats as our cats are at seeing (only) them!

We know that we will have to move everything out of the (undamaged) mezzanine into storage during the reconstruction of the ground floor -- another HUGE job -- but, since we're unclear as to where we plan to be, we're unclear about where to try to find dry, secure, climate-controlled storage --

It's all a puzzle --

And so, as you can see from these pix, is our life --

Love to all of you -- and, please, let us keep hearing from you -- you can't imagine how it uplifts us!

E.

Steve's office:

Our dining room:

Our kitchen:

Our pile, in front of the pile across the street:

(keep those prayers coming; thanks!)

a day in the life....

2008-09-29T09:27:00.003-07:00

time for a chuckle

2008-09-22T08:09:00.002-07:00

i have to laugh sometimes. this is a sure-fire giggle-starter.

here's the update on my sister: she and her husband are now staying with friends in Houston, who have power and better cell phone reception. they are going to go to the island on Friday for their first view of What It Is. my other sister in PA is starting a fund-raising effort on their behalf. (if anyone out there in Blogland wants more info, email me privately at tazag@yahoo.com.)

i spoke to E. yesterday and she still sounded jagged, but more grounded. having better access to phone/computer is definitely a help. she has been trying to contact insurance agents to no avail. i am sure the insurance will take awhile to hit the pocketbooks of those most affected, but eventually it will come through.

time marches on....

galveston blues

2008-09-21T09:26:00.004-07:00

go HERE to see some incredible, sad, amazing pictures of Ike's legacy.

these pix rendered me speechless.

my sister and her husband live (lived?) in Galveston. their business--an art gallery and studio, with living quarters above--has no doubt been completely devastated. they just finished renovating it from the inside out....are in hock up to their eye teeth....and now have no home, no livelihood.

they are hoping to be able to go take a look today, sneaking in with the help of a friend who is a contractor and can put them on his "list." (the only people allowed on the island right now are emergency workers and contractors.)

i sent this link to my other sister and brother, but can't imagine sending it to her right now. plus, i have no idea if she has computer access anyway. they are staying with elderly friends in College Station, and she feels they are overtaxing their hosts.

she said, "I really want to go home, but there is no home to go to."

please send prayers--i know you already are, so thank you.

settling in

2008-09-12T09:38:00.001-07:00

well, her name is PEARL (as in "Pearly-Girl") and she is soooooo sweet!

everyone is continuing to adjust--some better than others.

i can't believe i have 3 dogs! what am i, nuts?

....and then there were 4....

2008-09-08T07:28:00.007-07:00

hey everybody--

got a new dog on Saturday!

she's the one i have been waiting for....a young yellow (white) Lab--female, mellow and playful at the same time. not sure how old she is, but probably around 5 months. there may be a little pitbull in the mix, but she is totally laid-back. i'll know more after i take her to the vet later this week.

when i first started looking for 'the 3rd dog' several months ago, this was exactly what i had in mind. some clients found her at their neighborhood park on Saturday, collar-less and more than happy to follow them home--just an hour before i showed up for their massage appointments!

still working on a name...."Guera" is the current favorite (pronounced "wedda", means "blonde" in Mexican Spanish). my son's girlfriend thinks she should be called "Pearl" ("perla" in Spanish). any votes out there?

we are staying close to home for the next few days and then we'll head to the riverbed for a big adventure.

so far: Angus is in love, Sun Bear is in denial, and Sam is in high dudgeon--but even he is mellowing out. this morning i was surrounded on all sides by warm, furry beings--Sam on my right, Angus and Guera on the left. no one seemed to be out of sorts with this arrangement. ha.

here's a pic: note Sam in the background! this was the first time they all chilled out in the same room.

here's another, minus the cat:
now, since it is obvious that i can manifest the perfect dog, the perfect MAN must be just around the corner!

:)

today's Blogthing

2008-08-30T10:58:00.003-07:00

You Are 56% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.

Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.

But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.

You're open to considering every possibility--but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

cloudy days

2008-08-27T08:30:00.011-07:00

so unusual for us to have cloud cover 2 days in a row, much less 3! it is wonderful to experience the grayness, as i know it will soon pass.

(hmmm--i should cultivate the same attitude about my gray moods!)

there is a really special place that i sometimes take the dogs when we go to the river for our walks. i know i lived there in a past life, and a pretty recent one at that. maybe you know that Cochise's oldest son's name was Taza?

i was pondering that today, as i walked the hills just north of the river, finding bits of potsherds on the ground. how unlikely that i would change my name to Mumtaza, shorten it to Taz--and then, 10 years later, lengthen it to Taza at the same time that i moved out to the boonies and met the folks who had that book on Cochise and Geronimo.

one evening in the summer of 1995--just after i had moved to Cascabel--i was at their house, leafing through that book. and there it was, a picture of a woman with the caption, "Dos-teh-seh, wife of Cochise and mother of Taza."

my mouth hung open in disbelief. the man and his wife were watching me intently. i gestured to the picture and said, "Hey--do you know about this?"

their reply: "Oh, yes, we know. What we are wondering is, did YOU know?"

there really is no way of knowing whether Taza, Chiricahua Apache, once lived on the property that Taza, Massage Therapist, walks today. but i sure get an overwhelming feeling of familiarity and poignancy when i walk that ridge and view the landscape all around me--and the roofs of the expensive houses that now occupy the nearby hills and dales.

i often find decorated potsherds there, and once found a coin from 1805 ('1/4 skilling' from Sweden--look at one HERE).

every time something like that happens, i can almost hear the voices of the ancestors in the background. sometimes they are laughing.

dreaming again

2008-08-23T15:47:00.010-07:00

OK, this is getting strange!

last night/this morning i was dreaming again. i was in a large crowd of people--we were all gathered for some specific reason, and were joining hands to sing a song. some man's child was being fractious, so i engaged him (the child) in conversation, diverting his attention and calming him somewhat.

later on, after we had sung our song, i was sitting outside at a picnic table, and the kid's father came up on my left side, nestling the bell of his clarinet into the crook of my neck. he then proceeded to play Clair de Lune (Claude Debussy) for me. it was sooo beautiful--not that i have ever heard (or imagined) this piece played on the clarinet!

and it was odd, because i didn't really hear it, but 'just knew' (in that dream-way of 'just knowing') that it was that piece of music.

i got shivers in the dream, it was so otherworldly but surely wonderful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clair de Lune was the first piano piece i played for a recital, when i was about 8 or 9, so it has huge significance for me--but i haven't heard it or thought about it for a long time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOW HERE IS THE TOTALLY WEIRD PART:

i did an outcall for a couple today. i worked on her first, as he was out when i arrived. she put on a cd of a boy's chorus called Libera (check it out HERE) and told me she had heard one of the songs on the radio when she was in Wyoming on vacation, and was so moved by that one song that she wrote it down and bought the cd as soon as she got back to Tucson.

the voices were incredible--i have not listened to this kind of music before--and as we listened, she said, oh this is the one i heard on the radio!--IT WAS A VOCAL ARRANGEMENT OF CLAIR DE LUNE!!!

this is beyond bizarre--how did the Universe arrange all this, and, more curiously, to what end?

mellow drama

2008-08-22T08:34:00.004-07:00

hee, hee, hee, couldn't resist that title, especially after yesterday's post.

i felt the hangover from that dream kiss all day. luckily i was able to go to a sweat last night and purge, pray and sing.

immensely blessed, extraordinarily lucky to be where i am in this life, i still manage to find things to complain about. the human condition, i guess?

so, nothing special to report--just wanted to have something more normal come after that poetically hysterical, dramatically understated, embarrassingly personal bit of pith.

oh, and if any of you know of a gifted Native American artist who is currently unattached, send him my way!

:)

i've seen too many movies

2008-08-21T07:47:00.006-07:00

in my dream this morning, i was looking at the artwork of a talented Native American.

his work was powerful, over-sized, melancholy. it spoke of great talent, and great pain.

i started discoursing to him on the nature of True Art, and whether all True Art necessarily arises from Deep Anguish, blah blah blah, and....

was silenced by the pressure of his lips on mine

which opened an inner channel, firing and uniting all my chakras simultaneously

...awoke in tears.

raw recipe

2008-08-20T12:33:00.004-07:00

first sprout yourself some mung beans and lentils.
i use about a 4:1 ratio (lentil sprouts have a more intense flavor than the mungies)

then take about a cup and a half of sprouts

add 1/2 generous-sized cucumber, diced small (include the peel if it's organic!)

add 1 nicely ripe avocado, cubed

then, shave the raw sweet corn off of one ear (don't forget to use the back of the knife to press the corn milk out of the rest of the ear)

mix well

add your favorite dash of saltiness (Bragg's, Spike, gomasio, tamari....)

yum!

:)

rattle and hum

2008-08-17T07:00:00.010-07:00

i am not sure what is going on with me, but something sure is!

maybe it's the fruit smoothies, maybe it's the raw salads, maybe it's the daily QiGong exercises--but something seems to be plumbing the depths of my being--and spewing out some pretty gross stuff.

my dreams have been vivid and powerful as well. the other night i woke with the remnant of a phrase in my mind: "Live on the border between emptiness and meaning."

(in Buddhism, "emptiness" refers not to a void of nothingness; but instead to the fact that things, in and of themselves, do not have their own meaning/being [i am probably botching this up, so forgive me]. our minds project and assign meaning to all things, based on our experiences.

("seeing emptiness directly" is another way of talking about achieving enlightenment, and means that we transcend the limits of our this-life mindstream and see all things as empty of meaning, shining with pure potentiality.

(at least i think that's sort of how it goes.)

at any rate, that is one cosmic phrase to decorate my brain with. i think there is a massive redesign happening, and it's uncomfortable as hell.

raw foods are really powerful cleansers. this i know. the QiGong guy spent a couple of hours the first day talking about the importance of raw foods to keep our immune system well-armed. and it's true, raw foods do contain everything in the proper ratios. in his opinion, juicing (since it removes the fiber) strips foods of much of their essential phytochemicals, which are in the cellulose.

i've been blending up wonderful fruit concoctions every day since the seminar: peach, plum, blueberries, strawberries, kiwi, a little water and sometimes a fat dollop of plain yogurt. they taste wonderful and are having a good cleansing effect.

i sure hope the cleansing of my mind and attitudes is just as effective (and over soon!).

let's see how this works

2008-08-12T13:31:00.001-07:00

test your internet upload and download speed here!
(then email your reps to complain about it, hyuk hyuk hyuk.)

QiGong!

2008-08-10T08:07:00.005-07:00

just attended a 4-day QiGong (say: chi-Gung) seminar. the guy leading it is young, charismatic, committed to his goals, and very inspiring!

(not to mention he has a really cute fanny--lol)

his name is Jeff Primack, his site is www.qigong.com, and his organization is called Supreme Science Qigong Foundation. if you are in the San Diego area, the last tour of 2008 is happening later this month. it is incredibly affordable at $70 for all 4 days. nurses, MTs and PTs can all get 32 hours of CEUs as well. i highly recommend it!

i'm really glad i went, and have made a vow to do the first form daily for 30 days. i feel great and my knee did very well and is getting stronger every day!

hope all are well, sorry i've been such a lackluster blogger this summer.

today's Blogthing

2008-07-20T09:07:00.003-07:00

You Should Play the Guitar

You're very independent--both in spirit and in the way you learn. You can teach yourself almost anything, even if it makes your fingers bleed.

You're not really the type to sit patiently through a music lesson--or do things by the book. It's more your style to master the fundamentals and see where they take you.

Highly creative and a bit eclectic, you need a wide range of music to play. You could emerge as a sensitive songwriter... or a manic rock star.

Your dominant personality characteristic: being rebellious.

Your secondary personality characteristic: tenacity.

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

hmmmm--so am i tenaciously rebellious, or rebelliously tenacious? i'd say yes to both. you?

huge thundering rain last night, so this morning is dawning damp and dewy and deafeningly full of cicada choruses. i'm off to the Sweat in a short while. have a blessed day!

purple is as purple does

2008-07-12T14:58:00.002-07:00

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that.

People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts.

You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you.

People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i called my ex-sweetie about a week ago, just to say hi. it had been awhile since we last spoke. he sent me a box of all the books i ever gave him a couple of months ago, and though i left a message at that time, he never called back. so i wanted to find out what was going on with that.

according to him, "there was some pressure" for him to get rid of them coming from his new girlfriend. i was ready to dismiss her as being hopelessly backwards when i said, well i really called to say Goodbye, and his reaction was immediate and emphatic: NO, i don't want to let go!

imagine someone hanging onto you for over a year since the breakup. said breakup was also messy and confusing due to a lack of honest communication.

i have felt kind of weird since this phone call, and also a lot more understanding of her issues. if he is indeed still "hanging on" to me, or to some fantasy about me, then she will be able to feel that on a deep level. saying goodbye was a good idea. maybe he will redirect the energy he's been clinging to me with, to his current affair.

at any rate, i had a chakra cleansing today. many of my chakras were stuck and once i imagined cutting all the ties to ex-sweetie, they opened up and began spinning in the right direction.

now, maybe i can get on with my life too and perhaps even attract someone new. how bizarre. imagine dating in the 5th decade of life. but it is time to shake up my life and a new man is one of the best ways i can think of to do it. watch out!

:)

hot

2008-07-03T14:32:00.006-07:00

it's 85 in my casita today, and that's with the cooler going on high (only one speed) and those 2 vornado-type floor fans blowing away.

the "cooler" (ha) brings the temp down--as long as the relative humidity stays below 20%--and the fans can direct the moving air to make it feel a little more personally cool. there's one for me and one for Sun Bear, for whom the heat is excruciatingly debilitating.

i have been dipping into the stock tank inside my backyard screen house most every day, and boy what a difference a big ol' puddle makes when it is 98 degrees with relative humidity up in the 20's. we are so dry here that any humidity over about 15 percent makes us whine. i know, this is nothing compared to the midwest or the southeast, or even sometimes the northeast, but there you go.

i moved here from Florida, before that lived in Georgia, before that lived in Delaware. i knew what i was leaving behind, and i did it on purpose. gotta say, the ferocity of the sun's rays here is distinctly more intense than sunlight filtered through air with water in it.

meanwhile, it's really hot! did i mention that?

the monsoon clouds build up most afternoons, usually to the east and north. the other day i was totally convinced it was going to storm, and waited at home for an hour before realizing that the clouds had drawn back and away without bringing any rain to MY backyard (the truest measure of actual precipitation here--"did it rain at your house?" often only a mile, or portion thereof, separates the wets from the wet-nots).

i loaded up the dogs and headed to the Rillito, where the deeply slanting rays of the early evening sun hit the green cottonwoods and the dark gray masses of clouds bulked in the northeastern sky. it was a gorgeous tableau, and the temperature had dropped with all of the cloud cover, and the breeze was strong out of the south.

it was a beautiful half hour and i still remember the wonder and peacefulness of being able to be out in nature alone with my dogs, and also really appreciating it since i have temporarily abandoned our morning walks. i am sleeping too late and my bum knee, while improving, is still bum enough for me to forgo those walks for another few weeks.

i have been working with a personal trainer, 3 times now, to address said knee. he is good and i am improving.

happy 4th of july tomorrow; a rare holiday that i actually am not working!

couldn't resisit

2008-06-28T08:39:00.002-07:00

i am just about to leave for 5 (count 'em 5) treatments today, but could not NOT post this pic!

free rice

2008-06-27T17:12:00.003-07:00

my new banner (see right, at the top of my sidebar) will take you to a great site where you, the player, learn new vocabulary words while simultaneously donating rice to the hungry.

20 grains/correct answer.

"solitare" is out--free rice is in!

:)

silly blogthing

2008-06-26T13:32:00.003-07:00

What Your Flip Flops Say About You

You are hopeful and romantic. You love many people and many things.

You aren't unrealistic, but you do imagine things in the most ideal way possible.

You are a dreamer. If something exists, you've probably thought about it.

You don't think about what is, you think about what could be.

Your ideal warm weather place: Fiji

The Flip Flop Test

summer's here....

2008-06-22T09:09:00.003-07:00

....and the time is right for dancin' in the streets!

how about hiding in the a/c? LOL....

a solid week of over-105 degrees. normal but extreme. last night the smell of smoke drifted into the house while i was watching a movie. i went outside and the smell was stronger, but the wind was high so i presumed that wherever the fire was, my neighborhood was not in imminent danger.

wish there was a place to log onto where i could type "smoke near Glenn/Country Club" and get a report--short of getting a police band radio, that is.

so, we hunker down in the shade and relative coolness of the house. going to work (my lovely air-conditioned office) is a luxury!

happy weekend, hope all is well in your life.

the rituals of summer

2008-06-15T08:57:00.006-07:00

the cicadas are already sounding their trademark call. it is just 9:00 a.m. and i have turned on the evaporative cooler for the day.

i savor the small steps i take each year as we approach our climatic apogee, always leaving something in reserve for the hottest days and nights. first, i'll turn the cooler on during the day. i also leave the back door open so the dogs can avail themselves of the tile floor in the kitchen while i am out. at nights i have a couple of little vornado-type fans: one for my room, and one for the kitchen. i sleep with the lightest of blankets--just to be able to remove it later in the season.

next step, in a week or so, i'll add running the fan part of the cooler all night. the floor fan will be temporarily retired. the blanket will come off the bed.

in the very peak of monsoon (chubasco) humidity and insanely hot nights, i'll have the cooler going 24/7, and the floor fan aimed straight at my bed at night, where i will toss and turn on a sweat-soaked sheet, trying to get a night's rest.

but all of this is just normal Sonoran desert living. i look around the country, around the world, and feel blessed that we are just dealing with our usual seasonal events, and not tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, etc.

the monsoon always holds the possibility of extremes though. we have a reputation as being one of the lightning capitals of the country, and lots of rain can always mean flooding, especially here where the ground is so dry that water can't really penetrate. the sudden violence of the storms here is humbling. we will know it soon enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this is my 6th "fatherless" year. i finally believe i have put Marshall's life and death into perspective within the scope of my own life (and impending death). this year i find myself thinking less of my father and more of the men who have fathered my son.

of course the biological one comes first, and he is a fine and wonderful man and father, but my son's godfather--who acted as sole guardian during B's tumultuous teens--did so much of the shaping and guiding during those years. he is a true mensch!

i can get teary-eyed in a moment, thinking of that time of all of our lives: why i wasn't there, how well everyone did in spite of that fact, the things i will never know about B's adolescence, the despair i continue to feel occasionally about my choices. i guess in a sense, if that is the biggest mistake i make in this life, then thank goodness i've gone and gotten it over with. on the other hand....well, there is no point in following that trajectory. i love my son, and he has had 2 of the best fathers in the world, and he makes me proud every time i see him. that's what i'm keeping.

and so, bless the fathers: the ones that scatter their seed and then blow away with the next strong gust, the ones that stay and help, the ones that lash out, the ones that fume internally. they all show us a way, a choice, an avenue of expression--or not.

The Worldwide Prophecy of Love Day ~ July 13th, 2008

2008-06-10T11:22:00.001-07:00

http://www.shalomarproductions.com/home.php

from wholesome apple to decadent cream

2008-06-09T13:15:00.009-07:00

You Are Cream Pie

You're the perfect combo of simplicity and divinity.

You are a secret hedonist. No one knows how indulgent you can be.

You don't indulge often, but when you do, you go for the best.

You have expensive taste--even if you aren't rich.

Those who like you live for understated pleasures.

You're not flashy or trendy, but you have a depth that most people lack.

Interacting with you makes most people feel incredibly satisfied.

You are gentle, super sweet, and in harmony with those around you.

What Kind of Pie Are You?

about 2 years ago, in July of '06, i was Apple Pie. today, i am Cream Pie (which i've never had, to my knowledge).

i don't know if this is an improvement, but it certainly is, well, creamier!

:P

sunday, precious sunday

2008-06-08T06:59:00.002-07:00

i'm happy to sit down at the keyboard today--not for any particular reason, but because i seem to be infused with a near-constant inner happiness these days. my work is going well, i am paying bills, i am happy alone with my pets, and in every area of my life there is contentment and a certain feeling of grace.

i'm thankful regularly for the blessings and challenges my life provides me. i'm especially thankful that i get to help others feel better. (i truly love my work.) i am especially especially thankful that i am HERE, NOW. and i try to extend that to all the various HEREs and all the various NOWs--many thanks to Baba Ram Dass and Eckhart Tolle!

i put up a profile on an on-line community (same one that sends out Notes from the Universe--go HERE to check it out) and have had 2 'meets'. both were pleasant and neither was especially significant. it would be fun to have an intense, passionate, erotic fling--and on the other hand, it's also entirely fine if that doesn't happen.

i have to say, making a little more money is also like some kind of anti-anxiety balm. i'm paying off personal debt, and sometimes over the past year and a half of having my own business it has been crushingly difficult to keep everything up to date. i don't like to speak of it. the past few weeks have seen my highest numbers of humans worked on, and that is having a great effect on my finances!

and the work gets better over time. it is simply opening up in all kinds of directions and ways. and all of this seems to stem from the inner calm and happiness that i am carrying around inside me.

or maybe it's carrying me?

:)
many loves and much hugs

tuesday funny

2008-06-03T10:33:00.004-07:00

Political Correctness Defined

The following is the 2007 winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.

This year a definition was required for the contemporary term, 'Political Correctness'.

The winner wrote:

"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

:)